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jq37 · 3 years ago

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The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 2

The Girls Are Fighting!!!

We return to Aguefort Adventuring Academy where the man himself has just told the Seven Maidens that their party is being split up which they are NOT having even though it doesn’t seem to be a malicious plot so much as the fact that Danielle, Ostentatia, and Zelda are Juniors while the other four are graduating Seniors. Antiope casts Hunter’s Mark on Aguefort, Penny pleads, Katja threatens (well, “threatens”; she walks up menacingly and then says that he can’t do this because it’s the only group of friends she’s ever had and it’s heartbreaking like all of her non-hilarious dialogue is).

Aguefort understands that it sucks and has no respect for rules but says it’s out of his hands. Sam clocks that he’s hiding something (along with the fact that he seems to know about something going on with Antiope and Penny which we know is their respective internship/apprenticeship offers) and calls him out, hitting him with a Lightning Lure to drag his ass back when he tries to turn into a bat and escape out the window. She’s unhinged and I love it.

So does Aguefort who decides to let them in on some school secrets, leaving a decoy while he leads them all to the super secret part of the forbidden library which is bondage themed because sure. Also, Ostentatia is topless for this also because sure. He does a lot of pomp and circumstance to summon a book which Yelle flatly says better not just be the syllabus and it isn’t but she’s close. It’s the bylaws of the school district which he has summoned for the guidelines on the special, magical thing the girls can get so they can graduate together…

Their GEDS!!!!! Trés mystical.

Basically what they need to do is complete a level A, B, or C quest together (which Antiope knows are like the top 3 highest difficulty quests--they go from A-F) and get signoff from the superintendent. But the superintendent has been missing for 12 years and there can’t be a new one until she’s dead (which she isn’t or else they’d be able to appoint a new one). Her name is Tectonya Karkovnya (who I will be calling TK) and Aguefort calls her, “chaotic and impossible to predict,” which coming from him is como se dice, troubling.

Sam pulls out her mirror to do a little snooping on TK’s past and sees that she’s a coppery, earth genasi woman. She also sees her talking to Aguefort and saying that the magic of consciousness is far superior to his beloved chronomancy. Then the scene shifts to show her getting more and more worried as she got deeper into her studies and then going to a dwarven holy site in the Mountains of Chaos with some kind of shadow figure following her.

Penny gets photos of the super cursed bylaws and Arthur leaves since he very much is the principal of the school and has to do his job (ostensibly). With Aguefort gone, the girls discuss the proposition after conscripting a very reluctant Antiope to be their leader (Aabria hilariously improvises that a shaft of sunlight somehow comes down to illuminate her and she has to step out of the spotlight).

They discuss whether they want to do this GED quest or not and Zelda says she wants to but she wants to give anyone who has other stuff going on an out so they don’t feel beholden. Ostentatia immediately shoots back that Zelda is just saying that because she has plans with Gorgug. That brings down the mood and Sam, despite being a water genasi, fans the flames by saying that Gorgug has lots going on that doesn’t involve her so she shouldn’t be running back to him all the time.

Yelle tries to calm things down and says they should sleep on it but Sam and Ostentatia are taking this super personally and are offended that they’re even having this conversation. Penny accidentally lets slip that she has some kind of apprenticeship (she’s trying to keep it on the DL because it’s supposed to be a secret) and oh man it becomes a Whole Thing. They fight in the way that you do when everyone in the fight actually wants the same thing and cares deeply about each other but are in completely different headspaces which are making them lash out.

Penny, not wanting to be around the conflict, goes invisible. Zelda is suppressing going into a rage and says that maybe she should go be with Gorgug. At least he won’t yell at her. Yelle once again tries to cool things down and suggests they have a text thread where they can say if they’re in or out by the end of the night instead of hashing it out in the open. She’s accused of not being in and, in response, texts that she’s in. Ostentatia and Sam also immediately text that they’re in, which basically makes her “solution” entirely moot.

Zelda is finally fully fed up and leaves (Penny following invisibly). Katja also follows.

Antiope can tell that Sam is upset about something that’s not this but Sam brushes her off rudely and storms off (quite literally, causing storm clouds outside in her wake). Yelle goes after her. Ostentatia is left with Antiope.

Time for a string of very emotional mini scenes which I highly encourage you to watch because they are peak improv.

Zelda, Katja, (Invisible) Penny

Katja runs to find Zelda who is under a tree crying and asks if she’s OK. Zelda says that Sam and Ostentatia are so beautiful and confident and eloquent and she gets so tongue tied and useless when they disagree with her because she’s so timid. Zelda wants this so bad but she doesn’t want to feel like she’s forcing her friends to stay with her.

Katja, as we know, has major abandonment issues because of her constantly away dad (and prob her mom too) and she doesn’t want to be left behind again but she also doesn’t want her friends to factor her in so she tries to be stoic and says that the people you love have to want to stay. But with a 3, Zelda immediately clocks the emotion behind the words. Instead of calling her out, Zelda offers to listen to music with her.

Penny takes this opportunity to make herself known (which has got to be terrifying--unless you’re used to it and then it’s like same shit as usual from Ms. Luckstone) and Zelda goat jumps to grab her out of the tree she was crying in above them and tells her that she doesn’t have to go invisible every time there’s conflict. They all agree that they hate confrontation and Rehka gets the funniest lowkey line of the episodes: that she wouldn’t know what to do if they didn’t agree on that. We then cut to…

Ostentatia and Antiope

Where Izzy gets the high key funniest moment of the episode by transitioning in with a big, “You know I LOVE confrontation,” which breaks everyone at the table. But she says it as a preface to admitting that she may have been a bit of a bitch to Zelda. She plays coy for like a half second before she breaks down sobbing with Antiope catching her before she sinks fully to the floor. Antiope comforts her and admits that while she wants to stay with the party, she hates having options taken away from her as they have been her whole life effectively. She was honestly kind of relieved when she was trapped in the crystal because it meant all that pressure was gone for a bit. They affirm that they love each other then Ostentatia goes to apologize to Zelda.

Danielle and Sam

Yelle goes to talk to Sam (who she adorably calls “merbae”) and while Sam doesn’t wanna talk about it, Yelle says they don’t have to. She just wants to be there for her in whatever capacity she needs. She knows Sam loves her friends and would never hurt them on purpose so something must be wrong with her-- “History of abandonment?” Sam finishes, almost glibly. She’s tired of losing people. She doesn’t want to lose more. She doesn’t want things to change. Nature is change, Yelle says. Nature sucks, Sam says. Yelle is gonna pretend like she didn't hear that.

Sam feels bad that she snapped at Zelda and Yelle says that they’re all a family. Things will be alright. The storm clouds that Sam reflexively summoned peter out into a cool, refreshing mist.

Ostentatia and Zelda

Ostentatia goes to where Zelda and the girls are and full ass runs at her like they weren’t just fighting. After assuring her that she’s not there to fight she apologizes, saying she was a cow. Zelda says she honestly agrees with Ostentatia that she wants the group to stay together and wishes she could be bolder in non-rage settings. Ostentatia says that maybe if the Seniors leave they can still have a party and Penny vetos that even though, as Ostentatia says, it’s a pretty reasonable compromise. Anyway, they basically all go in a circle saying they love each other and it’s very sweet.

I’m serious, I can’t do these heart to hearts justice in this format, just go watch them for that emotional girl group goodness.

Anyway, outside of the main group, Antiope goes to talk to her sister Corsica who is currently teaching a class. Antiope does not give AF. She orders the students out and they scatter. Wouldn’t you?

Antiope wants advice. Should she stay with her party after flaming out of her last one? Should she take the internship and stay on the path her parents want her on? Corsica really feels for her. Antiope has had to struggle in a way that she and their brothers never did. She finally answers that she and her brothers are awesome and successful fighters but none of them have been able to do the scariest thing possible: disappoint their parents. They’re soldiers. They like it that way. They fall in line. But maybe Antiope isn’t a soldier. Maybe she’s a leader. She ordered those kids out of the room without thinking after all and they obeyed. It’s an extremely good speech and Antiope basically has chills, as do I.

I assume while this is happening or perhaps right before everyone goes home, Penny goes to see Jawbone (who has some spiffy new art--as did Gilear who cameoed early in the episode when Aguefort atomic wedgied him invisibly because sure) and talk about this uber difficult decision she had to make. Jawbone gets to the heart of the matter pretty quick. Penny is a high achiever who’s lived a life without choice. But now that she’s about to be off the rails for the time she’s freaking out. Penny sees the truth in the statement (after hilariously trying to solve his metaphor about an amusement park) and thanks him for the perspective. She then, in a very Fig move, tries to kiss him and Jawbone basically stiff arms her and breezes right past like it didn’t happen, showing her out. What a trooper that Jawbone.

Moving on to Katja. When she gets home she tries to call her dad who is unreachable on his hell mission. She leaves him a message saying that he should call her back when he can and she knows what she wants for her graduation present now. She wants her party to not break up. This breaks Brennan and me.

She then snoops arounds for info on TK. She sees letters of her dad trying to get her into Hudol. And she sees some stuff from the Ministry of Adventure, asking if he knew where TK was. But she doesn’t get anything else. At least, she doesn’t get anything else that’s helpful. She does however find a picture of her mom which makes her bolt to go talk to Cinnamon who prances for her to make her feel better. She joins in dancing, badly.

EDIT: I initially wrote that Katja’s mom was dead because that’s what I thought she said but @ennn said that in the Adventuring Party, Rekha said that her mom didn’t die, she left. Which is less dramatic in some ways but SO MUCH WORSE for abandonment issues so, yikes girl!

Yelle meanwhile goes home to talk to her unofficial third mom, Holly, who is the awakened tree under which her house is. Picture a Grandmother Willow situation from Pocahantas basically. Yelle talks about the conflict a bit and, as usual, ends up on a tangent about how the world is unfair and she has to speak for the voiceless. Holly is concerned for her (as are her other moms which I may have neglected to mention in the last recap). She asks Yelle if she can tell her something that might be painful. Yelle agrees. Holly says that Yelle is great and wonderful and kind but she spends so much time speaking for other people that she never speaks for herself. Her moms worry that there will come a day when she needs help and will have to ask for it without couching it in terms of the greater good and she won’t be able to.

Yelle really hopes she’s high when the time comes.

At her home, Ostentatia casts Commune With The City to see if TK has been around and she’s not there now but she can tell she has been (though there’s no indication on if that’s recently or not). On a 17 religion check she knows that there is a dwarven holy site in the mountains that matches Sam’s description from the mirror. She’s still avoiding her dad but when she prays for her spells, she asks for her dad to feel like himself again too.

Hey, what time is it? Let me check my watch.

Ah yes, it’s time for Sam to make some rash decisions.

She feels like she should text Zelda but doesn’t. Instead, she goes into Penelope’s room. And she takes out her mirror. And even though she’s expended the charge for today, she tries to make it show her Penelope.

OK, says Brennan. Sure. Hey, can you roll me a quick little Wisdom Save?

Haha, Sam’s in danger.

The mirror heats up as it’s pushed beyond its limits and Sam sees an image of a young Penelope with braces grabbing her hands and grinning and saying that they’ll be best friends. Then, the image shifts and she sees the Penelope of the present in her tattered prom queen dress and glass shard crown. Her eyeless, haunting, demon prom queen form, teeth razor sharp as her words.

“A call without a text,” she says. “Are you out of your mind?”

“You look better than you ever did alive,” Sam spits back.

It is a battle of the bitches right out of the gate. The girls are fighting part two if you will. They snipe at each other for a bit and Brennan has Sam roll insight into herself. On a 19, Sephie says that’s not enough for Sam to get a read on herself (yikes girl) so she doesn’t understand that this fight can only ruin her because while Penelope enjoys causing people pain, Sam doesn’t.

They both get in some very choice barbs but when Penelope tries to entice her into making a devilish pact and disparages her new party, Sam does the mic drop of the century by telling her that her parents are divorcing and hanging up. The entire table LOSES THEIR MIND. It is like a real life representation of one of those Draw The Squad memes. Everyone brandishes their fans in a salute to that truly epic conversation ender.

As the night draws to a close, Brennan asks the girls who haven’t responded to the text chain yet if they respond. Katja texts that she’s in. Zelda texts Antiope and Penny that she’s not going to text whether she’s in or out until they respond because she doesn’t want it to feel like a 5 on 2 dogpile.

Antiope and Penny call then text, then call, then text, then call each other to discuss what they should do and also hype each other up because with all the drama, they didn’t really get to celebrate their opportunities. Penny tries to downplay her thing and insinuates that it wouldn’t be a big loss if she wasn’t in the group anymore and Antiope shuts that down immediately. You’re the last thing so many people see before they die Penny! That’s so cool!

They both decide to text that they’re abstaining from voting for now and go to bed.

The next day, Antiope gets up and sees that her party’s schedule has been cleared for the next two weeks by the school for quest reasons. She tells her dad she wants to talk to Charity Blythe (the woman at the Ministry of Adventure she needs to talk do) and he sets up a no pressure (but actually tons of pressure) meeting with her before turning her 5 mile run into a 12 mile run because she is a Jones and 5 mile runs are for Amateurs.

Ant texts the rest of the Maidens that this meeting is happening so they can maybe get some quest info from Charity and Ostentatia has in the meantime texted (after the 2 abstains) that she will be going for the GED regardless and anyone who wants to join can. Of course, there was never any reason to NOT go for it (besides the danger which they obv don’t care about) and getting it doesn’t mean any doors are closed to them. It’s just that emotions are running so high they can’t fully seem to see that (or at least some members can’t).

Ant doesn’t have the clearance to meet at Charity’s office so they meet at the Museum of Adventuring instead. In it happens to be the skeleton of Kalvaxus who they killed (if you don’t remember, the Bad Kids killed him first and then he was resurrected so the Maidens could also kill him for catharsis reasons). Tensions are still super high as evidenced by Sam’s snide abstention comment to Penny and Ant and then by her TRYING TO LIGHTNING BOLT THE DRAGON SKELETON TO DESTROY IT.

GIRL.

That doesn't happen though because she’s Counterspelled by Charity Blythe who walks in, surprised to see that Antiope brought her whole party. Antiope says they were just leaving but Charity can sense shenanigans when she sees them and says if they’re gonna spy on the conversation they might as well stay for it which they of course do.

She gives Antiope a rundown of the internship: 1 year commitment with a possibility to expand to 2-3 years. Stipend. She’d have to live in Bastion City.

Katja remembers that her dad was talking to the Ministry of Adventure in the letters she found and asks Charity about it. Charity says they were asking him about TK’s whereabouts because he was friends with her. On that, Yelle casts Detect Thoughts with a Stealth roll of 17 (we see on a secret Box of Doom roll that Charity got a 26 to see her cast it). Anyway, she sees that TK took some object with her when she disappeared (which she later sees is a crystal screen with a map seemingly marking quest locations from A-F) and of course the fact that Charity knows this. Yelle shares this info with everyone as Antiope walks off with Charity to talk further. Katja suggests to the group that maybe Ant should take the internship to get more info for their quest. While she’s talking to Charity, Ant feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

See looks up and sees a figure with blood red lips look at her and disappear.

Yikes! Combat time baybee!

Superlatives

Danielle: Most Likely to Talk Her Way Out of a Hostage Situation

While, like her mothers, I am slightly concerned that Danielle is the type to set fire to herself to make sure others are warm, I also very much love her chill, warm, encouraging vibes. For those of you coming off of MisMag, she is like vibing at the same wavelength as Whitney Jammer but with the intensity turned all the way down. Danielle encouraging Sam honestly gave me like second hand calm. Excellent vibes.

Random Thoughts

If you’re wondering how long it took for it to come up that Aguefort banged a phoenix, the answer is 12 minutes.

The concept of phoenix chlamydia is the definition of thanks, I hate it.

Aguefort saying that TK is a crazy person could literally mean anything tbh. It could mean she is the most batshit person on the planet or it could mean she’s totally normal and just kinda bugs him. Literally no way to tell.

Someone (I think Rekha?) mentioned that the cursed bylaws book is copper and so is TK. Idk if that’s relevant but thought I’d flag it anyway.

We learn in this episode that the friendship bracelets Penny made them last week let them track each other and see each other even if one of the in knocked out (which is what gives it utility outside of what their crystals can already do).

We learn in this episode that Skullcleaver Elementary School is actually named after Katja’s family.

Nothing like the fear you feel when a DM gives you what you wanted even on a failure. And on that note...

Sam, I wish you a very happy Please Go To Therapy. Please girl.

This episode was such an emotional roller coaster. I deeply empathize with the horrible feeling that your friends have stuff going on and you don’t and you’re going to be left behind. It’s so rough to see everyone hurting and lashing out (or in the case of Yelle for instance, trying and failing to diffuse the situation). But it’s so nice to see everyone trying to be there for each other and apologizing and affirming that they love each other (from Antiope saying that she would kill and die for any of them to Danielle defusing the ticking timebomb that is Sam). The players really get the cadence of how teenage girl friendship works and it’s such a treat to watch.

“Did we ruin your life?”

Do you think ep 7 of The Seven is gonna be when everything pops off? As a DM I wouldn’t be able to resist that.

Penny’s response to being told that she can’t take every path is, “You can with chronomancy” which isn’t a bad point.

Rekha is the Zac of The Seven which is to say low key the funniest person on the planet. Her saying she was so scared that she wasn’t gonna be told “I love you” during that scene was so funny. Her comic timing is impeccable.

Katja fainting at the end of the “I love you” session after Penny says she loves her and Cinnamon.

I love the table ambient whisper of, “LCAB” under Antiope’s scene with Corsica.

I really felt for Zelda in this episode. Like, I felt for everyone but especially her, being the quiet one with all this yelling happening. When she was talking about how much she hates to have to fight with Sam/O my heart really broke for her. I’m so glad she got all her hugs in after that.

In this episode Katja, Ostentatia, and Sam roll nat 1s. No nat 20s.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high #the seven #the seven spoilers

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years ago

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Real Life Tasks With Ransom Drysdale

An Advent Calendar of 24 Normal Human Tasks As Performed By A Huge Man Baby.

Day 10: Shop Till You Drop

Warnings: Bad Language words

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

A/N: Instalment 10 of mine, @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @jennmurawski13 ‘s telling of Ransom’s quest to become a normal human being. This time Ransom takes on a Supermarket…

Series Masterlist.

“Will you stop!” You sighed, exasperatedly.

“Stop what?” Ransom frowned, tossing another box of Pop Tarts into the trolley he was pushing round the Supermarket

“Loading the trolley full of crap!”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t need it.”

“So?” he shrugged “I want it.”

You let out another groan “That’s all it ever boils down to with you isn’t it?”

“What the fuck is eating you today?” he snarked back, folding his arms across his chest. “Or is it more a case of nothing has eaten you, if you get my drift?”

“God you’re a fucking…” you growled and shook your head, “frankly the thought of you going near me at the moment makes me wanna puke. I’m tired. I have back ache and my legs are sore. We came in with a list and it should have taken us twenty minutes tops but oh no, you just keep stopping for a load of shit we don’t need and it's taking us twice as long and I just want to go home!”

The last word broke as you began to sob, the damned hormones flooding your system and Ransom’s eyes flew open in panic. He was used to your little outbursts thanks to his spawn growing inside of you, but this was the first time you’d had one in public.

“Y/N, stop.” He urged you, moving round the trolley towards you. He hesitated, before he opened his arms, clearly not sure if you were going to slap him or not but you didn’t have the energy. Instead you let him pull you to him, pressing your face into his sweater, breathing in his heady scent. His hands gently ran up your back as you fought for control, eventually pulling away as you looked up at him. His large hands cupped your face gently and he pressed his lips to yours, smirking a little “And you say I’m a brat?”

“Fuck off, Ransom.” You pulled away.

“Okay, okay!” he chuckled. “Look, why don’t you-“ he fished into his jeans pocket and handed you the keys to the Merc “-go wait in the car? I’ll finish up.”

“You’re going to finish getting the groceries?”

“Yeah.”

You blinked, before you shrugged “Fine, but don’t forget anything on that list or I swear to God you’ll be couched for a week.”

“Jesus, Y/N.” He plucked the list out of your hand, rolling his eyes “Just go for fucks sake.”

You glared at him once more before you turned on your heel and left him in the middle of the aisle, without so much as a look back. As you left through the exit, you took a deep breath, instantly feeling calmer and you felt a little guilty at your outburst as he hadn’t actually been doing much wrong. He had always been a pain in the ass when it came to shopping and you’d tried so hard to get him to stay at home, but he was insistent that he came to help. You should be grateful really, you knew that, he was only trying to ensure you didn’t do too much but all it resulted in was him getting on your last nerve and an emotional outburst like the one you’d just had.

True to form he’d been a complete fucking tool from the moment you set foot in the shop. Completely ignoring you and piling anything and everything he liked the look of into the trolley, even if you knew half of it would go to waste. But that was him and his damned family all over. More money than fucking sense.

Fuck it, he could deal with it. You were going to take a nap in the comfy passenger seat whilst he finished. And woe betide him try anything when you got home later on that evening, if he so much as made a single amorous advance towards you that night you’d rip his cock off.

****

Ransom watched Y/N stalk off away from him an exhaled, loudly, whilst also giving himself a mental pat on the back for being smart enough to tell her to go and wait in the car. Allowing her to rest whilst he complete the shopping was most certainly going to put him in her good books. And, if he played his cards right and even unloaded the groceries at the other end, he’d most certainly get a bit of bedroom fun later on.

Yup, Ransom Drysdale was a clever bastard.

That said, he did feel a tad guilty. He knew she’d been struggling the last few days with her back and seeing her burst into tears in the middle of Whole Foods had made him realise just how much energy she was using growing their baby. Maybe he had been a bit of a pain in the ass, but he hadn’t meant to be. He just liked what he liked and seeing as money wasn’t an issue why shouldn’t he get it?

He glanced down at the list, there wasn’t that much left on it. So he hastily made his way around the store allowing himself only one little detour for an unlisted item- some Lavender and Camomile bath salts for Y/N which he intended to use later when he drew her a bath to help her relax- and then made his way to the check outs.

This was the bit he hated, with a passion. Unloading and then waging a war with the damned items at the other end whilst he tried to bag them as quickly as the checkout ninja scanned them and slid them down to him. However, as luck would have it, today’s ‘ninja’ was more of a ‘nan-ja’, and to his relief the coffin-dodger took her time, having to bend so close to the screen to see the items her nose might as well have been touching it. This allowed him enough time to bag everything as Y/N did- raw meats separate, then chilled, frozen, fresh and tinned. He paused, as the final bag containing the 3 bottles of his preferred wine and a 4 pack of beer felt a little strained and he pondered double bagging. But decided against it. It was only going in the back of the car from the trolley, he’d just make sure to support it underneath.

Eventually the woman, who now he studied her must have been the same age as his fucking Great-Nana Wanetta, scanned the last item which was a bar of Y/N’s favourite chocolate he’d picked up from the stand at the end of the checkout, and turned to him smiling. She read out the total and he passed his card over, looking around as she scanned it and pressed a few buttons. Finally, the ordeal was over and he took his card and receipt before making his way back outside.

Job well done, even if he did say so himself.

He pushed the trolley over the car park, stopping only to hurl abuse at some absolute moron in a Toyota who nearly took him out when he skidded round the corner, and opened the trunk to the car. He loaded the bags, took the trolley back (well, he pushed it to the spare space besides the car because fuck walking over to the Trolley Park, that’s what they paid the simpleton in the hat and hi-viz to do) and made his way to the driver’s door. He dropped in besides his girl and she turned to face him, a smile spreading across her face as he handed her the Hershey’s.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Its ok baby.” He smiled at her as she leaned over to give him a soft kiss “Cooking my boy is zapping it outta you huh?”

“Just a tad.” She shrugged “But I shouldn’t have snapped. Thank you for finishing up.”

Ransom shrugged “No big deal.” he gave her another quick kiss before he put the car in reverse and drove towards the parking lot exit, a soft smirk playing on his handsome face

Yup, he was off Santa’s Naughty List for sure.

*****

“Go and put your feet up, I got this.” Ransom assured you as you made your way to the trunk to help unload the shopping.

"You sure?"

“Positive.” He nodded, his arms wrapping around you from behind, large hands sweeping over the front of your jacket, softly caressing your bump. “It won’t take me long to unload and put it all away. Then we can curl up and I’ll order us that pizza you’ve been talking about all day.”

“Extra olives?”

“Whatever you want.” He pressed a kiss to your neck and you bit your lip. You had to admit, that did sound like a damned fine idea. And, to be honest, he was pretty good at unpacking groceries, that was one area he was actually trained in after years of you whipping him into shape.

“Okay.” You tilted your head round to look at him, giving him a quick kiss “Can you keep the mincemeat out for tomorrow’s dinner and the rest of the meat-“

“Can go in the freezer, yeah, I know.” He stepped back, reaching for a bag “I’m not a complete moron.”

“Debatable.” You muttered, ignoring the eye-roll that came your way as you stepped away from him. You headed to the front door, your pace slow as your baby was doing what felt like the tango in your belly. He seemed to be doing that a lot recently, especially when Ransom had touched your bump and spoken to you, almost like he was reacting directly to his Daddy. When you’d told Ransom so the previous night, he’d positively beamed at you with pure unadulterated love on his features, something which you were sure no one but you ever saw. You rubbed your belly, a soft smile on your face, telling your unborn son to quieten down a little, and you’d just unlocked the door when you heard a loud yell, followed by the smashing of glass and a string of expletives from your husband.

“Mother fucking, asshole, bastard crap bag!”

You spun round to see Ransom stood with a carrier bag in his hand, the bottom flapping as it had completely given way. Green and brown glass littered your drive way as a pool of red-wine and beer swam around his expensive chukkas. He screwed the bag up, tossing it into the trunk as he ran a hand through his hair, growling in annoyance.

“How much did you just drop all over the drive way?” you asked and he peeked up at you and grimaced.

“Eighty bucks worth. That was some quality merlot.”

“Well, maybe next time you’ll remember to double bag.” You shook your head, before you nodded to it “Make sure you clean that up. I’d hate to reverse over it and get another flat. Woe betide we have a performance like last time.”

“Oh, I dunno.” He quipped, a smirk spreading across his face “I happen to think the performance last time was pretty good. You certainly didn’t have any complaints once I got you back inside and sat on my face.”

You blinked, before you scoffed and shook your head “Do you know where the brush and dustpan is or should I draw you a map?”

“Fuck you.” He shot back, his eyes narrowed in a glare and you grinned, shrugging.

“Maybe later.” and with that you headed inside leaving him to grieve for his precious alcohol, which had been taken from him far too soon…

#real life taks with ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you

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wiypt-writes · 4 years ago

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Real Life Tasks With Ransom Drysdale

An Advent Calendar of 24 Normal Human Tasks As Performed By A Huge Man Baby.

Day 10: Shop Till You Drop

Warnings: Bad Language words

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

A/N: Instalment 10 of mine, @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @ohthankevans13 telling of Ransom’s quest to become a normal human being. This time Ransom takes on a Super Market…

Series Masterlist

“Will you stop!” You sighed, exasperatedly.

“Stop what?” Ransom frowned, tossing another box of Pop Tarts into the trolley he was pushing round the Supermarket

“Loading the trolley full of crap!”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t need it.”

“So?” he shrugged “I want it.”

You let out another groan “That’s all it ever boils down to with you isn’t it?”

“What the fuck is eating you today?” he snarked back, folding his arms across his chest. “Or is more a case of nothing has eaten you, if you get my drift?”

“God you’re a fucking…” you growled and shook your head, “frankly the thought of you going near me at the moment makes me wanna puke. I’m tired. I have back ache and my legs are sore. We came in with a list and it should have taken us twenty minutes tops but oh no, you just keep stopping for a load of shit we don’t need and its taking us twice as long and I just want to go home!”

“Fuck off, Ransom.” You pulled away.

“Okay, okay!” he chuckled. “Look, why don’t you-“ he fished into his jeans pocket and handed you the keys to the Merc “-go wait in the car? I’ll finish up.”

“You’re going to finish getting the groceries?”

“Yeah.”

You blinked, before you shrugged “Fine, but don’t forget anything on that list or I swear to God you’ll be couched for a week.”

“Jesus, Y/N.” He plucked the list out of your hand, rolling his eyes “Just go for fucks sake.”

**** Ransom watched Y/N stalk off away from him an exhaled, loudly, whilst also giving himself a mental pat on the back for being smart enough to tell her to go and wait in the car. Allowing her to rest whilst he complete the shopping was most certainly going to put him in her good books. And, if he played his cards right and even unloaded the groceries at the other end, he’d most certainly get a bit of bedroom fun later on.

Yup, Ransom Drysdale was a clever bastard.

He glanced down at the list, there wasn’t that much left on it. So, he hastily made his way around the store allowing himself only one little detour for an unlisted item- some Lavender and Camomile bath salts for Y/N which he intended to use later when he drew her a bath to help her relax- and then made his way to the check outs.

Job well done, even if he did say so himself.

He pushed the trolley over the car park, stopping only to hurl abuse at some absolute moron in a Toyota who nearly took him out when he skidded round the corner, and opened the trunk to the car. He loaded the bags, took the trolley back (well, he pushed it to the spare space besides he car because fuck walking over to the Trolley Park, that’s what they paid the simpleton in the hat and hi-viz to do) and made his way to the driver’s door. He dropped in besides his girl and she turned to face him, a smile spreading across her face as he handed her the Hershey’s.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Its ok baby.” He smiled at her as she leaned over to give him a soft kiss “Cooking my boy is zapping it outta you huh?”

“Just a tad.” She shrugged “But I shouldn’t have snapped. Thank you for finishing up.”

Ransom shrugged “No big deal.” he gave he another quick kiss before he put the car in reverse and drove towards the parking lot exit, a soft smirk playing on his handsome face

Yup, he was off Santa’s Naughty List for sure.

***** “Go and put your feet up, I got this.” Ransom assured you as you made your way to the trunk to help unload the shopping.

“Sure?”

He pressed a kiss to your neck and you bit your lip. You had to admit, that did sound like a damned fine idea. And, to be honest, he was pretty good at unpacking groceries, that was one area he was actually trained in after years of you whipping him into shape.

“Okay.” You tilted your head round to look at him, giving him a quick kiss “Can you keep the mincemeat out for tomorrow’s dinner and the rest of the meat-“

“Can go in the freezer, yeah, I know.” He stepped back, reaching for a bag “I’m not a complete moron.”

“Debatable.” You muttered, ignoring the eye-roll that came your way as you turned around. You headed to the front door, your pace slow as your baby was doing what felt like the tango in your belly. He seemed to be doing that a lot recently, and you were convinced he was reacting to Ransom’s voice, something which you’d told him the previous night making him positively beam at you with pure unadulterated love on his features, something which you were sure no one but you saw. You rubbed your belly, a soft smile on your face, telling your unborn son to quieten down a little, and you’d just unlocked the door when you heard a loud yell, followed by the smashing of glass and a string of expletives from your husband.

“Mother fucking, asshole, bastard crap bag!”

“How much did you just drop all over the drive way?” you asked and he peeked up at you and grimaced.

“Eighty bucks worth. That was some quality merlot.”

You blinked, before you scoffed and shook your head “Do you know where the brush and dustpan is or should I draw you a map?”

“Fuck you.” He shot back, his eyes narrowed in a glare and you grinned, shrugging.

“Maybe later.” and with that you headed inside leaving him to grieve for his precious alcohol, which had been taken from him far too soon…

#real life tasks with ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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more scattered naruto thoughts now that we’ve finished season 8 -

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten up to the end of season 8 (after pain destroys the hidden leaf village). i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons. Thank you! <3 ]

- i like the way S8 ended. i know that in real life maybe it wouldn’t be so feasible to just talk your enemy back to the light, but honestly, i don’t care. i love that shit. i love stories when people refuse to hurt the people who hurt them first, and then their seemingly inconceivable choice to refrain from striking back creates a connection (it’s the ‘return of the jedi’ effect, folks). i understand that it doesn’t work like that in real life most of the time, and i don’t recommend it for real life people trying to defend themselves, but i do love it in fiction. i LOVED how naruto went in pursuit of nagato to talk to him, not fight him. even though naruto says straight-up “i can’t forgive you” / “I want to kill you so badly i can’t stop shaking” - he still recognizes that his enemy is someone who’s been victimized, and he has enough compassion to feel pain on their behalf even when he himself is reeling from having his entire home destroyed and both of his teachers murdered by the person he’s confronting. his choice to control his (valid) rage and extend a hand in compassion is ultimately what changes the outcome and saves everyone who would have died, reversing the damage that was done, and i love that shit.

- absolutely adore yamato abandoning his own mission and taking off at a run to try and help naruto when he senses that naruto is losing control over the nine-tails. this man thought he was just a substitute teacher for a while there, but he’s become part of the family while he wasn’t looking.

- HINATA. oh my god i couldn’t even enjoy this incredible moment because i was so stressed out (and angry, at the time, because i really thought they were going to kill her, and that would’ve crossed my line). i want to watch this again knowing that she’s fine, because my anxiety over ‘fuck fuck fuck they’re actually going to kill one of the kids’ precluded me from even appreciating it appropriately.

- there’s been a lot of talk on this show about how sakura doesn’t have as much chakra as naruto or sasuke, but she heals people non-stop the entire time Pain is attacking and doesn’t show any signs of running dry. SHOW HER SOME RESPECT.

- CHOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIII! omg. i was so afraid that his father was actually dead, and SO RELIEVED that he was okay. you can’t do that to choji!!!

- also relatedly, how much do i adore choji for caring so much about kakashi? <333 i mean this kid is there sobbing over his dead body, and then he bursts out crying when kakashi comes back to life - i really appreciate these little ties between characters who aren’t always in close quarters but who do have a relationship. kakashi has been a teacher to ALL of the kids, and team 10 especially feels indebted to him - the respect and affection they all feel for him is very real.

- first time i actually thought ‘ok he’s cool’ with regard to minato was when he talked to the nine-tails so unfazed like “he’s a loudmouth. let’s go somewhere more quiet.’ i’ve been kind of so-so on his character so far, but i liked this.

- also later in that scene - the (rare) scenes we’ve seen where naruto totally breaks down absolutely kill me. it happened once when gaara was dead, and then there’s another moment in this episode when he’s talking to minato - whoever voices him does just incredible work in those moments, and it is SO PAINFUL to me because naruto is always such a happy kid the rest of the time and eternally optimistic and positive and excited and popping back up every time he falls down, and so when he cracks it is just devastating to see. i hate seeing him cry like that.

- similarly - that shot of sasuke at the end of the itachi arc wrecked me. naruto’s breakdowns are upsetting, but at least he allows himself to have them - when he gets pushed past a breaking point, he explodes. he cries and yells and spills every single thought in his head in front of everybody who’s around him, and after it’s done, things get better. he’s with people who care about him. he’s venting and making himself understood, and he always finds his equilibrium again.

sasuke, though, has been completely locked down ever since we saw him sneak out of the hospital to wander around the scene of his community’s mass murder, and he’s still locked down now, even crying all alone at the edge of the ocean. this moment isn’t cathartic. it isn’t a release. this is barely even a sliver of what this kid has going on inside him, and it looks like it’s agonizing for him to even let that much out.

- the scene where naruto is about to give up and give in to the nine-tails’s power...that exchange!!!!!!!

i don’t know. it hurts. i hate this. i don’t know. what should i do. i don’t know anything anymore. someone...please help me. give me...an answer.

destroy everything. erase anything that causes you pain. give me your soul, your spirit, your vital essence. give it to me, and in exchange, i will rescue you from your pain.

this whole exchange is amazing. the way naruto says ‘it hurts’...this is one of those scenes that expands to cover so much more ground than just what’s onscreen at that moment. what naruto overcomes here is precisely the trap that sasuke has not been able to escape. sasuke has never had any framework for dealing with pain that isn’t about pursuing vengeance. it’s the only way he thinks he can free himself from his pain - by putting all of his energy into destroying the people who hurt him.

but it becomes an endless cycle, because he never succeeds. itachi dies and sasuke feels worse than ever, so he turns his attention to the hidden leaf in an attempt to finally kill what’s hurting him. but even if sasuke were to raze the entire village to the ground, his pain would still be with him, and he’d then have to turn his attention to yet another target, because the alternative would be to recognize that he can’t escape his pain by destroying the things that hurt him, and that’s not something he’s able to accept right now. he’s spent half his life fixated on the idea that revenge can rescue him from how terrible he feels, and abandoning that idea now would mean that nothing can save him. it would mean that he’s going to hurt like this no matter what he does.

kakashi tried to warn him about this. he tried to tell sasuke that even after getting his revenge, sasuke wouldn’t feel better, that he’d only tear himself apart trying to achieve something that would leave him feeling empty - but sasuke was too entrenched in his own warped thinking to believe it. and ever since then, sasuke has been in the company of people who are happy to let him dig himself deeper and deeper into a self-destructive hole as long as it benefits their agenda. they don’t care if he’s hurting himself. they’re happy to see him suffering. his pain is a tool they can use.

- a note re: kakashi, when it comes to this topic -

i think it’s relevant to remember that kakashi never tells sasuke not to pursue revenge because it’s “wrong” or ethically questionable. he never delivers any moralizing speeches in the vein of “if you kill someone who victimized you, you’re just as bad as they are.” kakashi doesn’t think it’s wrong if itachi dies, and if sasuke were in a better state of mind, he probably wouldn’t even mind if sasuke were the one to kill him. that’s why kakashi is comfortable helping team 10 pursue asuma’s killers, after all - because they’re not unbalanced by rage or making self-destructive decisions; they’re acting with clear heads and pursuing a course of action that needs to be taken anyway (asuma’s murderers are on their way to the leaf to capture naruto - they need to be dealt with regardless). team 10′s kids can handle that mission - they’re thinking straight. they’re comfortable accepting adult guidance. they’re grieving, but they’re okay.

sasuke is not. sasuke has been deeply traumatized since he was a very young child, and encouraging his quest for vengeance is equivalent to validating all of the fucked-up thought patterns that are hurting him so badly - that it was his responsibility (as a seven year-old child) to protect his clan, that he was weak and cowardly for running away, that he needs to take itachi down as penance for failing to save his family, that killing itachi is the only way for him to justify his childhood survival, that killing itachi will free him from his pain. for kakashi to encourage any of these false convictions would be irresponsible and, ultimately, harmful to the child he’s supposed to be looking after. if sasuke gets his revenge on itachi, he’s just going to be left with the horrifying realization that his pain hasn’t lessened even the slightest bit, except that now he also has to deal with the additional trauma of killing someone he used to love.

kakashi doesn’t discourage sasuke from revenge because Revenge Is Morally Bad and You Are Morally Bad For Pursuing It; he discourages sasuke from revenge because in this particular case, sasuke’s fixation on revenge is hurting him. it’s unhealthy for him, and it will cause him worse pain in the future if he allows it to continue driving his life. sasuke is never going to feel better if he doesn’t stop distracting himself from his pain by focusing solely on vengeance. if he’s ever going to actually be rescued from his pain, he needs to face (and FEEL!!!) his grief, which is precisely what staying fixated on revenge allows him to avoid.

- relatedly: i just. am SO sick. of all these horrible people. getting their hands on sasuke. and using him for their own ends. when he has already been manipulated and victimized all his life. it makes me wanna SCREAM!!!! and i know that’s the point; we are supposed to be frustrated by this - but - hrnghghgnh

and like - it’s not like sasuke doesn’t know it’s happening! he’s not stupid! he knows the people around him are using him, and he just tries to use them back and play them before they play him, and he accepts that this is what his life is going to look like, and because he survives, he thinks he’s in control, but he has NO IDEA how far over his head he’s in now. and besides, he never stops to think that maybe his life shouldn’t look like this. he has no conception of ‘someone should be taking care of me.’ he’s never seen himself as a child who needs protection - he’s never seen himself as a child, period. it’s why he’s such a brat to the other kids, and it’s why he never calls kakashi ‘sensei.’ he thinks of himself as an adult. he has adult problems. he can’t connect to children his own age because he can’t connect to the idea of childhood - his childhood was stolen from him, and with it went any conception of refuge or safety or the fact that relentless self-sufficiency and a constant cycle of using/being used by other people isn’t in fact what his life is supposed to look like.

i am continually infuriated by all of these people who have abdicated their responsibility as adults and chosen to exploit an already exploited kid, one who is too messed up to save himself or let anybody else help him. none of these people care about him. they all want to use him for something. they’re happy he’s in pain, because his pain is what enables them to manipulate him.

the people who DO truly want to help him are the same people he’s desperately trying to avoid. the only adult sasuke ever had a meaningful and non-manipulative relationship with is the same adult he keeps running away from. and the only two people his own age who ever actually knew anything about him or cared if he was okay are the two people he keeps pushing away.

there is, perhaps, a lot to be said about how sasuke continually runs away from the people who actually care about him and instead affiliates himself with people he’ll never have to worry about forming a connection with. “having too many ties in this world just holds you back” - sure, and having no ties protects you, too. nobody to love you, nobody to know you, nobody you can ever lose.

#naruto #pan watches naruto

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atrixfromice · 4 years ago

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If isn't one thing, is another!!!

Or “the odyssey of quest for the best microphone!”

I’m going to talk about this, because I promised to some folks I would. But also because I feel the need to talk about this to feel...well, maybe not better...but to feel a bit less dissapointed at least.

I was really excited about going one step further to a higher level regarding my fictional characters, but unfortunately for me, “if isn’t one thing is another” as we say in Mexico. Is an expression for when we have one and another and another misadventure or bad thing happenning succesively.

And that’s precisely what happened to me in general this year. But specially, with this animation project. First my computer started to have trouble, so I told myself “well if that’s so, I might just make the animation in traditional and I could tell my brother to lend me his computer so I can put the drawings together on movie maker”. And my mom helped me with the traditional animation tools that are the glass desk I use as animation table, and the portable lamp. These ones!

But at the same time with my computer trouble, I had a lot of trouble too with the quality of the audio records when I found my character’s voices, since the peeps who were enthousiastic to work voicing my characters had no microphone to record, and I had no microphone to record either!

They recorded directly with their smartphone, and I with my smartphone and using an earphone as microphone. So in all the cases the voice was overcame by the sound of the street, the neighbords, people talking in the distance, etc.

Plus, one of my friends was so nice to spend an afternoon and night with me until 4 am (via chat online of course, he lives in mexico city and is far away from where I live) talking about my fictional characters and making voices so I could know if he could fit for one of my characters, because he was so excited a bout this animation, and mostly because, as I said before, he always wanted to be a voice actor for animated cartoons.

So I thought it worth the effort to help them and myself a bit, and I had the brilliant, brillant idea ( now I know it wasn’t a good idea XD) of making a tour on my town to see if I could find a good quality micro for a decent price so I could buy at least 2 or 3, and send then 2 to my friends and one for me, or send one to one of my friends and take one for me.

But what happened I think I wouldn’t have predicted it!

Firs of all, almost all electronic stores were closed due quarantine. Except for one who was a little modest store that had recently oppened. So I bought my micro there because I had no choice.

The first “micro” I bought was actually not a micro (even if the girl who was selling there told me that is was usable to record) but just some headphones that worked via bluetooth with a micro included but they were only to talk, not to record. So yeah that day I learned that you cannot record via bluetooth. Because even if I installed an app so my smartphone could recognize the mic, the sound was horrible!! It sounded like someone who was talking to you from 3 meters away or something like that! Even the records sounded better with my earphone used as micro! And that was so much to say.

So I went to the store and I told the girl I needed to change the product or the return of my money cos this product wasn’t able to make what I needed it for, that was RECORDING AND GIVE ME A GOOD QUALITY SOUND! And then the girl said she couldn’t give me back my money because their enterprise didn’t allowed that, but yes to product changement in case of trouble. So I accepted and she gave me an earphones with microphone included, it was a generic brand but the girl told me it worked well, so I thought everything was going to be ok.

But no, actually that was worse! It got worse and worse.

I arrived home almost at dawn and I spent almost all day walking to go from store to store and come back. So as you can imagine, I was exhausted. I felt like the toothpaste you squeezed and it’s almost to get over. I wasn’t going to record my fictional character’s voice at that moment. I even didn’t ate all day! But I didn’t really cared, I felt too tired so I just I collapsed on the bed like a log.

So the next morning, I woke up and I happily proceeded to test the micro, and for my misfortune, just one of the headphones worked well, and the other didn’t, and the microphone, that was important part I needed, it didn’t worked at all!!! So there you have me, walking 2 hours to go and come back from the same store (since the transports are not doing their service due COVID) to change that micro, and then the girl gave me another brand of headphones with microphone, and I prayed God for this to the good one!

Again, same stuff, I didn’t ate and I was tired, but this time I didn’t collapsed like a log, I tried to test the micro to know if it worked or not, and then, it happened that the headpones worked both of them, but the micro didn’t work!

So next morning I went to the store for the 3rd time and I was very upset, I told the girl to give me back my money because I didn’t wanted any other product from this store. I'm appreciative she was very understanting with me, because she treated me nicely and with calm even if I was so exasperated, pissed off and cursing in french.

No kidding on this! In retrospective...it was so embarassing because every people at the store turned their gaze at me like if I was a mad woman! LOL But you can deny after the 3rd time receiving a bad product you would probably have felt the same.

so I calmed down as well. And this time she gave me a lapel microphone, because she couldn’t give me back my money. And thanks goodness when I came home, I tested it and it worked. I I felt relieved and could eat finally.

The next morning I prepared myself a sandwich, and took care of my home duties like moping and swepping and dish washing, that stuff. And when the afternoon came and I tried to record on my new, and I realized that while it worked, the sound quality was very bad cos it picked up a lot of the background sounds and it made to some clicking and squeaking like if I was moving it but I wasn’t.

So I took my afternoon to look on google for how to record with a cheap or bad quality microphone (this one was not that cheap, but it was bad!) and I did all what people adived on on youtube and on blog articles. And I tried to record for two afternoons. like 6 and 6 hours, imagine it, I spent 12 hours voice acting!

Even I put covered my windows on aluminium paper, and I recorded on my bathroom and inside of my closet! XD But nothing worked because, while there was a bit les background noise, the recordings still had those annoying squeaking sounds, and when the voice made high notes, it sounded like someone's fingernails on a blackboard!

It was particularly hard to record on the closet, cos I was up for 6 hours and a bit more standing up trying to record something, and I had to start from the beginning because of the so annoying sounds that were made when I made emphasis on the words. So at the end my feet were numb and burining like hell! That not counting that more the time passed, the less my physical strenght to record I had.

And then after I finished, I thought it was really good, and I was so proud and satisfied with the result, then I gave the record to one of my friends, who offered as beta tester to listen my records, and he commented he heard an squeaking sound and that in the pauses when I talked, he could hear my breath! And that he couldn’t understand what was being said. And he’s an native english-speaker, soo, sooo it meant the record was not going to be able to be used!!!

So you can imagine why at the end I was so dissapointed and sad! Because I had a really exhausted body, a wounded pride, and a sore jaw and throat, because when you record voice (specially on a bad quality mic) you must exagerate a bit your voice and pronnounce well, and move your mouth a lot so you can get a good emphasis on your dialogues. And after all this effort I only got a 2 or 3 minutes recording, which was awesome, but the quality wasn’t good enough to be on an animation!!!! *sobs*

It was a dialogue between two characters, the main character from “good team guys” and the main “bad team guys”, from one of my stories. It was an epic battle between these two, and it was so...so awesome and mindblowing!

No kidding! It had all what I wanted it to have, all those delicious emphasis on the right words and phrases. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to record something THIS GOOD ever again in my life! Because I was inspired, and this doesn’t happen very often.

That without counting that I feel like a great jerk now because I feel like I failed to the peeps who were so participative offering their voices to voice my fictional characters, and who were enthusiastic and excited about voicing one of my original characters. But I think I’m smart enough to notice that right now I don’t have the tools to do neither animation nor voice acting.

So.. that’s why I dediced to not record more, not continuating animating, because I’m just I messing up my health and sleep and with this bad quality micro and computer I’ll not have any good results.

I think is better to save money to buy a good microphone for the voice, or a couple of ones, and send one to my friend. And wait until my brother could borrow me his laptop.

I think, while it makes me sad to come back to illustration and comics only...I feel a bit better by talking about my oddysey. So I thanks a lot to y’all who have been here to support my art and listen to what I write about my art projects.

#atrixfromice #late night rambling #animation

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yue-muffin · 4 years ago

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Time Raiders (2016)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

In my quest to consume the entirety of the DMBJ franchise available in English, I have decided to start with the non-canon movie because at least this one has an ending, unlike the train wreck that is Reboot/Chongqi’s pacing. I will probably be bitter about that for all eternity, but I digress. I heard good things about the movie from the bird app, and as I am a Pingxie shipper at heart, I decided to finally watch this one.

P A R T O N E

The cut-in animation to the title was gorgeous, I do so love the qilin in every adaptation. It’s particularly striking here with the gold outline and geometric, maze-like lines. It looks like the cards at the very beginning were being arranged in the image of this qilin.

My first reaction upon seeing white people in a dmbj adaptation is: oh no, the English, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear perfect English that matches the actor’s lips! What a miracle, haha. I remember The Lost Tomb 2 being the worst for how many lines had to be in English, sob.

These look so cool. I see we start off with a good old “seeking immortality” antagonist, and an obsessed collector who has dedicated his whole life to this apparently. As usual, he is a scumbag threatening the locals.

The old guy’s accented English is also better than TLT2, ha. The breathy/nasal quality is not at all uncommon. I don’t know what language the locals speak though.

Me, immediately: Zhang Qiling already??

I know he appears in rather early in TLT1, TLT2, and Reboot/Chongqi, but he’s so often mysteriously absent or stuck behind a gate (or in Reboot’s case, put on a bus) that I got excited, ok.

My favorite Zhang Qilings are the cold-looking pretty boy types in terms of my mental image of the character, but this one is also very easy on the eyes and as usual, unfazed in the face of danger coming at him with a knife. This is the only series in which I’m not bothered by the constant cast change between adaptations (unlike Ever Night), I suppose since it’s been this way from the start.

I’m interested in seeing how the backstories differ from canon. It’s actually rather interesting that this is pretty much an official AU, like that’s kind of wild as a concept. I’m used to the late 1990s/early 2000s anime adding new characters and changing plot points and endings everywhere, but Time Raiders takes it a step further.

Zhang Qiling being an ultra-competent badass who doesn’t even need a weapon to take the bad guys down never changes, no matter the universe. He steamrolls everyone, no questions asked.

Did he- he break the blade with his bare hands hahaha. Oh, yup, and a Zhang Qiling with a weapon is even more dangerous. I see those severed fingers. Such a good fight scene and we’re not even 5 minutes into the movie.

I love how he could have simply fired the arrow while he was still on the statue, then jumped down, but he had to be Extra and fire while he was jumping off haha.

It- the divine piece was right there?? By “beneath the statue” I would have thought it would at least be under it, not in a convenient little slot on the side of the altar area haha. So Zhang Qiling’s mission is to destroy the divine piece(s)? To, um, save the world apparently.

WHO ARE YOU? What an excellent question to ask a Zhang Qiling (and that staring into the mirror shot, too.)… I wonder if this one even knows - it’s possible he doesn’t have his signature amnesia here.

Wait- a gate? I think it’s in a cave or something in the novels, but gates have significance in DMBJ. The cinematography is really nice in these mountain shots. I know nothing about film, but I like the shots in the snowy mountains.

This Zhang Qiling knows and practices martial arts on screen! You would think he’d pull some moves normally, but in the drama-adaptations he tends to just beat people up as efficiently as possible. Sometimes with his sword. Other times he just fights ‘em. I have to admit Jing Boran looks excellent going through some forms. He nailed the force and power underlying every movement, then exploding outward with a strike. I do like the impression it leaves.

I, on the other hand, am an absolute noodle and look ridiculous when I do martial arts.

What in the world is happening in this flashback scene with the weird CGI qilin. Ah, it’s when he received his tattoo. That was super dramatic.

Wushanju is looking real edgy with the heavy iron gate on the interior, haha.

He is puzzling (ha!) over those cards so intensely you’d think it was a thousand piece puzzle instead haha. You’re almost there! Just a few more to finish the qilin!

Aw, is this our Wu Xie? Haha his facial hair is- hm. But I love his voice it’s so soft. Really fits that “Mr. Naive” vibe.

Is that. Is that the author of the series. I found out that he makes cameos in almost all (if not all of) the adaptations!

NO. ONLY I CAN FINISH THE PUZZLE. HANDS OFF BUDDY.

Why are there so many pigeons in here. Who let them inside.

A writer, who came to hear his story and turn it into a novel- HA yup it’s the author.

“This should be a story about me and him.”

Ahh I’m loving it already. DMBJ is the ultimate bromance story. Fair warning, I do ship Pingxie so my shipper goggles will be on throughout the movie. But even without shipping, you do have to admit the series is a bromance underneath all the mystery – between the Iron Triangle, between Wu Xie and Xiaoge.

This Wu Xie is a photographer and that is sort of adorable. Already there’s a theme emerging of needing to record events and telling stories. Interesting that he wants to turn his memories into a novel to record his experiences, because otherwise he’s afraid those memories might turn into a mere story in his own head. Wu Xie, that’s a worrying mindset.

Those ancient mask things always make me crack up, I don’t know why.

Ooh, background about Wu Xie’s birth into the Wu family. I’ve never read up to the part in the books where they go into his place in the family in detail. To be fair, his grandfather had three sons and only one of them had any kids – and Wu Xie is his parents’ only child. So, he becomes the only one who can really carry on the family legacy. Aw, I really like seeing his extended family present though! In the dramas we only ever get either his Second or Third Uncle, and he rarely ever mentions his parents even though they’re alive.

And there’s his namesake! The origin of his nickname, and the irony once the story gets into the Sha Hai timeline.

Wu Xie was a bit of a rascal as a kid, haha. To be fair he has a pretty sharp tongue in the novels and is mostly a pure cinnamon roll in the early dramas.

Little Wu Xie in a suit is so adorable. Nooo kid don’t go into locked up abandoned places. He’s already so adventurous haha. Seems that it’s not actually abandoned judging by all the lights on, but.

UH. MASKED MAN BEHIND YOU. I think he wants that item back. This is why you don’t go into abandoned places, kid. He definitely does not learn his lesson though. Also why are you still holding onto that thing, just drop it, I think he wants it back.

Haha he kept one of the coins.

WOAH. Every month someone in your family dies?? That’s uh- sort of traumatic. Also that would be a really good first line for a novel…Just saying. I do love the singing though.

Oh, the Nine Families exist in this universe too! They even give a quick explanation about the ranking system.

Oh yeah, I love how Wu Xie is such a nerd for all this knowledge of ancient texts and tombs. And YES HE FINALLY DOCUMENTS STUFF FOR ONCE.

Uncle Three looked dead for a moment there, scared the shit out of me too.

VAMPIRE MOTHS? Oh I hate bugs I would not be okay lol. WHOOPS. You guys are really good at reading ancient texts on the fly lol.

That’s the mask he has in the beginning of the film, isn’t it. NO DON’T TOUCH THINGS IN TOMBS. AHHH. So you just put it on your face?? Well that was a stupidly simple way to open the door. I’m guessing the creator didn’t care if anyone opened it.

This guy just severed his own arm, ok…and how many years later is his hand still clinging to it? UH. THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T TOUCH THINGS IN TOMBS. Then he proceeds to steal the box thing.

Ah the white dude again. I am so happy there is GOOD ENGLISH though haha.

Oh, hi Zhang Qiling. Just hanging out on a rooftop I see.

He looks so melancholy. Someone give him a hug! This adaptation makes him more human, less stoic robotic superhuman, I noticed. You rarely see him eat or drink anything in the other adaptations, but here he’s just chilling on a rooftop having some drinks haha. It’s ok. I love all the Zhang Qilings.

WHAT THE HELL, LIGHTNING? What the hell is this high tech machinery haha. Eight days? Coincidentally eight days after sitting in a tomb for how many years.

That is a very Extra bookcase to hold a book that apparently has ALL the secrets.

WOW that is a fancy notebook. It looks so beat up in the other versions haha. In this one, it even gets its own hidden shelf in a giant portable bookshelf!

The props for this franchise are so cool and detailed. I always wish they would show more of the creative process in the BTS, I’m such a nerd for that stuff. The Longest Day in Chang’an was pretty good at that, which is half of my enjoyment of that show haha!

I’m also still pleasantly surprised they bothered to incorporate other languages. I’m not sure what the Snake Lady and the old man in the beginning were speaking, but at least the English is good.

I can’t believe they worked in a steampunk chastity belt this movie went all out, huh. Also with these weirdly high tech structures and lightning and moving tomb structures.

And all the pieces start coming together! So that’s why it’s believed they hold the secret to immortality. What a steampunk-looking key.

Is that a writing desk??

Oh, they’re getting a team together to go tomb raiding! Ha, forget money! You may or may not end up dying on this adventure, so who cares about money, right.

He’s so cute standing there with his camera. Look at the little smile as he watches everything going on!

It’s a desk and a storage container?? Oh, there are ~qualifications~ to going on tomb raiding. Makes sense. That is the oddest looking sword.

Must appreciate Zhang Qiling’s fingers in every adaptation. They look very strong and steady here. Let’s not talk about the slooow trailing across the handle.

Wow did you really just throw sand in his face. Have we not learned not to mess with Zhang Qiling after he trounced that first guy who attacked him. I love the fight scenes so much after the bore-fest that was Reboot/Chongqi’s second half of Season 1.

Super pretty, but why did it cause him to stop and stare in the middle of the fight?

This is like a Final Fantasy sword haha. Also I think you should stop while you’re ahead, why did you think a table would stop this dude. (Hey, it’s Da Kui! He was in the novel but not TLT1.).

It’s HERE. Their first meeting. How did he know the coin was on that cord? It wasn’t visible, I don’t think. But uh. That was a hilarious move on his part, he is so Extra?? He just casually flicks the necklace off with his big-ass sword and it drops into his hand. Then casually goes “oh, here, you dropped this” as if he wasn’t the one responsible for it coming off in the first place!!

HERE IT COMES. The unnecessarily long eye contact. Pingxie in every adaptation needs a Staring Into Your Eyes scene.

Real smooth.

Ahh this Wu Xie is such a cutie. He’s like a puppy.

WHAT. Third Uncle, I can’t believe you let him tag along so easily haha. In the beginning he was scolding Wu Xie to never get involved in tomb business, then what happens? They’re going tomb raiding!!

Next Up: to the tomb we go! This can’t end badly or anything what are you talking about.

#daomubiji #time raiders #dmbj #盗墓笔记 #image heavy post #perhaps don't view on mobile #in which i lose my mind for 2 hours #the muffin's liveblogging adventures

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lightandwinged · 5 years ago

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Alright, it’s review time, and it’s going to be spoilery and rambly because I’m still parsing my thoughts on everything SO.

Sans spoilers: a solid and fitting conclusion, if a bit faster paced than I would’ve liked, but it adhered to the overarching themes of the Skywalker saga probably better than anything in the new trilogy has before, and I don’t know how, considering everything (namely that Space Mom is gone), they could have or would have done things differently. Not my absolute favorite (that will forever be RotJ), but still very good.

Spoilers below, be ye warned.

I found it utterly hilarious that the plot started with Kyle Ron finding the Macguffin and chillin out with Papa Palpatine while the Good Guys had to go on this entire huge quest to FIND the Macguffin to begin with, and the only reason he didn’t just fuck off and finish some dastardly plan while they were scurrying about and trying to find the Pyramid Of Doom was because he’s got a lot to work out in his feelings about Rey. Like shit, no wonder Papa Palpatine decided to just stick with his own bloodline for galactic domination, Skywalkers are useless.

(except Leia, who is awesome)

The inclusion of Carrie Fisher in this film was VERY well done, but it also hurt a lot because you could tell that her scenes were cobbled together from old material and not made of anything new. It was good and necessary, but it also just hurt, like a constant reminder that she’s gone and nobody could replace her ever. And I’ll get more to that in a minute.

The Macguffin questing honestly felt a lot like the first half of RotJ, where we have to go rescue Han right quick because Harrison Ford was pretty sure he didn’t want to Star Wars anymore, so here’s a sidequest for half the movie, with the only difference here being that the questline had to do with the actual Plot. I’ve been following the Star Wars leaks subreddit for a while (don’t read the comments, it’s a wretched hive of scum and villainy and bitterness), and I know that at one point, it was supposed to be this race between Team Dark Side and Team Light Side to get the Pyramid of Destiny and then they’d find out that oh shit, Sheev’s here, but that was scrapped... and I kind of wish it hadn’t been? It would’ve made the first half of frolicking through this planet... no this planet... no, no, it’s on this planet... feel a lot less distracting.

The dynamic between Finn, Poe, and Rey was fantastic, because those three actors just have amazing chemistry on so many levels. They immediately fell into the dynamic of “we’re a polyamorous triad who’ve been living together for a while, and we really love each other, but we’re also a LITTLE BIT STRESSED RIGHT NOW OK” and that’s fair. I was glad to see all of it, and I just wish that we’d had more of it in both TFA and TLJ. It reminded me a LOT of how the best parts of the OT were always when Luke, Han, and Leia were together.

And now I’m going to take a sulk break to think about what we could’ve had with that amazing dynamic.

I’m back.

The new characters were some of the weaker parts of the film, I felt, save for Lando (because Billy Deeeeeeee). Dominic Monaghan, whom I love, could’ve had his role taken entirely by Rose, or Billie Lourde, and nobody would’ve noticed. And I don’t mind the addition of extra women to the cast, but Zorii and Jannah felt like they were just there to be like “Poe fucks women! Finn might too!” And... yanno, cool? But the OT3 stands.

And then General Pryde, aptly named, should’ve been a bigger part in all three films because it was like... here’s this yahoo out of nowhere who’s apparently a really big Sheev fan and just... like... what? I mean, I’m a huge Sheev fan, too, but I wish he’d been more of a Piett, where we could’ve seen him worming his way up the ranks, which would’ve made his downfall more satisfying. Instead, it was just kind of like... eh? Cool, I guess? With Piett, you felt like “yeah, we’ve seen this guy fucking things up for our heroes for two entire movies now, and here he is, getting destroyed because of his pride, hahaha!” but with Pryde, it was like “wait, who are you? Oh you’re dead now? Okay, cool, I guess?”

And in conjunction with THAT, Hux was just wasted in this film. I fully accept the idea that he rose through the ranks because of nepotism or something, and I also fully accept that he’s an absolutely useless twink who can’t do anything without having Phasma top him weekly (she used to top both him and Ren, which is why they’re such disasters in this movie), but man, couldn’t we have like... taken him with us? Imagine the comedy potential as he’s brought back as a prisoner and Domhnall Gleeson gets even more screen time with Oscar Isaac. I don’t mind that he died a worthless death because he was basically a useless wretch, but I do feel like if the movie had given itself more breathing room, he could’ve been a lot of fun.

RELATED, the pacing. So in the beginning of the movie, the idea of a light skip (basically, just sort of using the hyperdrive without planning or anything) is brought up, and everyone involved in this action bounces from world to world to world in rapid fire fashion to get rid of a bunch of TIE fighters following them, and that’s roughly the pace of this film. There are a few moments of quiet and contemplation, but they’re so rare that they seem to last a lot longer than they actually do, and I think it’s mostly because this movie really feels like a Lord of the Rings style epic packed into a MCU time frame. And I’m not complaining about the time, because by the time the credits rolled, I had to pee so fucking badly, but I feel like also if we’d trimmed out a couple of things (like maybe we can get rid of Kijimi, I think it is? The snow planet? or just merge Kijimi and Pasaana?), we’d have had more time to breathe and that would’ve helped the pacing a lot.

The slow moments in the film belonged almost exclusively to Rey and Kyle Ron, and honestly, Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver both deserve some sort of award recognition for their acting, the latter particularly. Without going into wild details about the plot, Kyle Ron does change his mind and go back to being Ben Solo, and god bless you so much Adam Driver because the change is instantaneous and delightful. If we’d seen significantly more Ben Solo than Kyle Ron, I’d totally be on board with the r.3y.10.z because this child omg. As it stands, the kiiiiissssss made me do like

in real life. It felt... mm, unearned, we’ll say. Maybe as a moment of “oh fuck that was intense and now we’re both alive” I could’ve bought it, but it wasn’t that, it was supposed to be this “my looooove” moment and just... sorry, but no.

BUT that said, while I think his death was the only way this series could’ve ended for him because a redemption arc would’ve required a LOT more time and energy, and that just... wasn’t going to happen. The time to have him make the turn if we were going to see a redemption arc was during TLJ, and since he didn’t make that change, we don’t get a Zuko arc. And that’s FINE because that’s a lot of work for a three movie series. And I don’t want a TV series devoted to Ben Solo learning to not be a dick to people. That’s exhausting.

But I do wish we’d gotten more time with him. The brief time we had, the bit of Han Solo snark that came out (”ow”), that was all delightful and made me understand what people see in the character (who I hate because he’s a great character to hate).

(omg while I was writing this, someone was saying that they were in a theater with someone talking about how the movie should’ve ended with Kyle Ron giving Rey a Force baby, and Y’ALL THERE IS NOT ENOUGH NOPE IN THE WORLD)

Anyway, bullets now, for the times I cried:

Literally everything with Leia, but especially that her last word was “Ben” and her using every last bit of her energy to save her son because I GET THAT FEEL, and honestly, the only reason she wasn’t there raining death and destruction on Sheev by herself for grooming her baby was because Carrie Fisher died. But anyway, from the moment she dropped her headset on, I was a blubbering mess.

And then Han, just a memory, but looking more at peace than he ever has. He convinces his son to come home, and Ben now says, “Dad?” and Han just says, “I know,” and FUFUUFUFALSKJDLAKSJDF: SOBBING

And then CHEWIE reacting to Leia’s death just... UGH. I am destroyed utterly, still.

Luke finally managing to Force lift the X-Wing out of the water made me cry as well, weirdly enough.

And then whatever emotion I felt when Rey heard all the Jedi, and it was LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO HAS PLAYED A JEDI EVER COMING IN AND SAYING A LINE like not just the familiar ones but the ones you wouldn’t know unless you’d watched all the TV series and extra material... it was so much more than tears. I couldn’t cry because it wouldn’t have been enough to encompass everything that made me feel. Very sincerely well done.

All-in-all, yeah, it was really good. I don’t get what everyone is so fussed over with it... it ties up the themes of the entire nine-movie arc pretty neatly and does basically the best it can with what it has.

But a bigger point in its favor, for me, was seeing Sam’s reaction to it: jumping up and down in his seat, gasping, grabbing my hand, whispering, “Mommy, they’re going to be okay, right?” and then cheering at the end. Star Wars, as a thing, isn’t for just one person or one group of people, but I consider how people who were kids when the PT came out say without a hint of irony that it’s not that bad, because to them, that’s what Star Wars is and always has been. The joy of it isn’t just the OT but those three movies that were “meh” to those of us who cut our teeth on the OT only. And in a similar vein, the ST is full of that joy for kids now. Like holy moley, Sam and his best friend geeking out over seeing each other in Star Wars costumes at Halloween was just worth everything.

So in the end, like I concluded at the end of TLJ, the message here is that it’s for them. And also that there’s always hope, that ultimately, even when it seems the odds are against light, there’s more of us than there are of them.

#star wars #the rise of skywalker #the rise of skywalker spoilers #I dehydrated myself crying at this movie

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emptywithout · 6 years ago

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Sick (a dark, angsty fic) CHAPTER 2

A/N: I’ve been working on something for a while, you guys. This is not my typical angst. I’ve been pouring my heart into this. But this is pretty dark. It might not be for you at all. Please heed the warnings. Not an AU, but things do go in a different direction.

Word Count: 15,000 +

Summary: Fourteen year old Sam is really really sick. He’s alone for over a week while Dean looks for a cure - and gets worse. Much worse. When Dean returns, he discovers a little brother that now has a long road to recovery in front of him. Dean struggles to care for him as he blames himself for not getting back in time.

But even after more tragedy, the boys never give up on their quest to heal Sam permanently. The healing journey is a long and painful one. While searching to find the witch that hexed him, they encounter creatures they never knew existed - some helpful, most not - and get caught up in a new “family” that Sam loves, but Dean distrusts.

Sam ends up having to make a difficult, life altering decision. It just might break Dean, too.

Warnings: Descriptions of pain. Torture (sort of). Blood. Nightmares. Witches. Spells. Sensory deprivation. Hypnosis. Trust issues. Non-con. Hallucinations. Mindbreak, Pain, Perhaps more…

Wincest warning: This story is a bit wincest-y but there is NO SMUT. Just some hand holding and snuggling and kissing. But NO graphic details, and NO SEX. It’s not a part of the plot AT ALL. It just is.

Angst. Seriously, you should really expect that from me by now :)

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. THIS IS GOING TO BE DARK, OK??

CHAPTER 2 - Worse

Dean certainly was not expecting this.

Sam wasn’t feeling well when he left, and it took longer to catch up to the witch, who ended up being three states away. He felt bad for taking so long – plus he lost his phone at a gas station along the way and didn’t have a backup. He felt like a shitty brother for leaving Sam alone for so long. He figured Sam would give him a hard time for a while about it. But this…this was much worse.

He was expecting a sick Sam. It’s not what he found.

“Sammy?” Dean asks again. The stench of the room hits him – he flinches and instinctively covers his nose and mouth with his arm. It’s rancid enough to make him actually vomit a little in his mouth. “Holy fuck, Sam!” He turns on the light and spits in the garbage can by the door. With an outstretched hand and pulling his face back, he grabs the open Styrofoam container of leftover broccoli beef – now covered in flies and a few maggots already - closes it and tosses it in the garbage can. He quickly turns toward the bed, hand still over his mouth, head still down. .

His heart pounds. He doesn’t want to look up. He does though, and moves towards the Sam-sized lump under the covers. The smell gets stronger as he gets closer to his brother. He can’t quite place it. Aside from the rotten Chinese food on the table, he smells sweat – it’s clearly Sam’s, he knows it well. There’s a distinct smell of urine, too. (Dean’s not sure what to make of that just yet.) But the other smell – he couldn’t tell. It was almost sweet, like maple syrup. Or cotton candy. Definitely something sweet. But that was the least of his worries.

Dean’s hands shake as he pulls back the sheet.

Sam’s appearance makes him gasp. The sheets are twisted all around him, so pulling them back takes some effort. He looks smaller than usual, and he is soaked with sweat. His breathing is shallow and slow. Dean turns him gently so he’s on his back. He does not wake up. Dean’s hand gently traces Sam’s cheek bone and sees the dark circles under Sam’s sunken eyes. His eyes are sealed shut with yellow crust. Dean slowly brushes Sam’s damp hair out of his eyes.

Sam does not respond to Dean at all.

Sam’s also clearly in pain. He grimaces every so often, but he’s no longer thrashing.

Dean leans down, placing his head on Sam’s chest, listening closely - he leans close and exhales sharply at what he hears. He can hear rasping in is lungs.

This is bad. Worse than he expected.

He pulls the sheet down further and holds back a sob. Sam’s sweatpants and sheets are soiled. The top edge of the sheet is tinged pink from the blood and sweat on Sam’s hands. Dean closes his eyes as he realizes Sam couldn’t even get out of bed to use the bathroom. He runs his hand down his face.

“Dammit Sammy, I’m….I’m sorry...” He checks Sam’s breathing again. It’s there, just shallow. Dean quickly prepares the second bed for Sam and then gathers up washcloths and towels, warming the smaller ones under the hot water in the bathroom sink.

He returns to his sleeping brother and carefully strips off his sweats, throwing them away. He cleans Sam tenderly, clearing the junk out of his eyes, making sure not to wake him just yet. When he finishes the horrible task of cleaning hardened shit off his brother’s dick, (it’s harder than you think) he carefully places Sam on the now turned down (and clean) bed. Grabbing clean sweats from the bottom of Sam’s bag, he gently dresses his brother and tucks him in. He pushes a lock of hair behind Sam’s ear and kisses his forehead. It’s damp and warm. Very warm. He tucks the sheet around Sam to keep his chest covered and wiped his forehead again. He can see Sam struggling to breathe.

Dean sets about the task of cleaning up. He throws away all the towels and bed sheets along with Sam’s sweatpants. He empties out all the garbage cans in the room, too, just to be sure. Two dumpster runs later, the room looks and smells a bit better. On the way back Dean grabs a small zipped up pouch from the glove box of the Impala and heads back to the room.

He knows he has the antidote. He knows this will cure his brother. Bobby explained the whole thing – Dean doesn’t like it, doesn’t like what he has to do to Sam, but he has no other choice. Sam will wither away if he doesn’t.

If it isn’t too late already.

It already took him too long to get back.

Fucking witch. Dean had a long way to drive.

He didn’t know it would be this bad.

He unzipped the pouch.

#emptywithout writes #angst #sick #dark fic

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jujywrites · 5 years ago

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WIP Challenge

I got tagged by @kikithedeceiver to do this!

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

Here’s the thing. I don’t have many separate WIP files; most of them are in one huge doc. and most of the separate wip files are... pretty dead? but ok whatevs. under a read more since it’s long...... and my ego won’t let me skip snippets hjkhkhk thanks for the idea Kiki

From my main miscellaneous folder:

50 Grades of Steele. 1 and a half chaps of a role-flipped 50 Shades of Grey rewrite (i haven’t read the books so I extra don’t care about the characters lol). why do i still have it i’ve lost interest.... *side eyes her entire wip ecosystem* ...Then I see my interview subject, seated at her desk.

"Mr. Grey. I'm pleased to meet you."

And I stop breathing. [end CH1]

[open CH2) I forgot to mention something: I exaggerate occasionally. But I'm not now. I literally stop breathing for a few seconds. A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind, which doesn't help my chest stop seizing, but the main problem here is that Anastasia Steele is quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Fanfic idea masterlist. my most active file and where I keep most of my WIPS, unless they get too “large”. Organized by fandom. lotta stuff i keep passing by & may as well be dead but don’t wanna delete. here’s a zero-draft snippet of probably the next chapter of my G-rated yukyoru fic collection

He grabbed a pillow and placed it to his chest, grabbed her arm, and yanked her to him, praying his idea would work.

Seconds passed and he didn't transform. He put his arms around her gingerly. Should he try to immobilize her or would that make it worse?

She made the decision for him. "Mom," she sobbed, clutching him with an iron grip. "N-Need to help...!"

His stomach dropped to his shoes.

Thudding footsteps announced Yuki's arrival. "What's wrong?! Honda-san--"

He didn't say "What did you do?" The thought raced by and Kyo said, "Grab a pillow and help me!"

As Yuki positioned the pillow and himself without having to ask, Kyo said, "She won't wake up. I don't know what to do!"

"Night terror," Yuki said tightly. He was too close but it almost didn't matter. "Not much you can do besides wait."

MayxWard BDSM fic agents of SHIELD. mix of notes and actual writing. kind of a half AU. Melinda climbed into the driver's side and buckled in, then started up the car. "If you've not ridden on the left before you might have motion sickness. It's normal. Just close your eyes until—" She paused as she looked at him; his hands shook so much he couldn't manage the seatbelt. "Here, let me."

"Thanks," he muttered with a sigh, looking rueful.

Modern AU Zelink. What it says on the tin~ Teenage-ish Zelink, with a mash of supporting characters from other games. another mix of notes and fic. Link wasn't sleeping tonight. Tonight was the night he'd been planning for and awaiting for weeks. He was going on a quest: the quest to meet Princess Zelda.

She wasn't really a princess, of course. That was just her nickname. Zelda Nohansen was Hyrule's sweetheart, the most sought-after young actress in the movie business. And Link had fallen in love with her the first time he'd seen her, two years ago in a tiny theater in Kakariko.

PMMMfic homumado. Madoka Magica. AU, been around since about an hour after I finished the series (5 years yikes, still gotta watch Rebellion). Homura's time power still somewhat involved, but Mami's an adult, everyone's at a boarding school (I think?) where ~things aren't as they first seem~ and Madoka has mysterious powers and night terrors. just notes at the moment.

SoubixHitomi. Loveless. 3 unfinished/dead first-person Shinonome-senseixSoubi snippets, all of ‘em spicy.

yvy abo. Yuri On Ice. Yuri (Katsuki!!)/Victor/Yuko(!!?!), my attempt at. well. omegaverse(!!!!!!!). orignally started as part of a “bad YOI fic” bigbang and now I’m taking it seriously dgdgfg. Alpha Yuko. “Please, please stop,” she whispered, like saying it aloud would make any difference. But the pressure in her head kept building. Her limbs had begun to itch restlessly.

And Victor wouldn’t let go of her hand.

With the last scrap of her control, she straddled him quickly and kissed him awake.

Even in half-sleep he arched to meet her, and when he opened his eyes sapphire blue had already turned stormy with lust.

yvy canonfuturefic. Yuko-focused following of canon, or: how canon can I keep YOI while still rareship OT3ing it. She and Yuri fall in and out of love, in between falling for Victor. Victuri is still my life I swear

“You have got to watch this,” she tells Yuri. She watches Yuri’s face instead of the video, having seen it at least forty times by now.

Yuri’s eyes transform into beacons of awe, and Yuko swallows around her rapid heartbeat, breaths coming too short. She sees everything she’s feeling and more on his face. She remembers that she loves him, that he’s real and here and more important than the beautiful boy on her phone who’s trying to pull her under to a scary new world.

ZnT ot3 bdsm AU. Zankyou no Terror, 9/12/Lisa. mix of notes and fic, not just PWP. in heavy need of editing bc a lot was inspired by a non-spicy book.

“But it’s not just me. It’s everyone. You need everyone because you have no idea how to need yourself. Or even how to be yourself.”

“You’re wrong.” The force and volume of her voice shocked her and pushed her onward. “You and Touji. I don’t need anyone except you and Touji! Because you both taught me how to be myself-- no, how to find that on my own. I know exactly who I am, and that me isn’t complete without both of you!” She could feel the tears streaming down her face, yet somehow her voice didn’t waver. She felt so full of conviction she could burst into flames. “Don’t you understand, Arata? We’re all meant to be together.”

From my SnK folder:

Cave of the Crystal Maiden (working title). Aruani. Modern AU. MMORPG shenanigans with a dollop of magical realism/supernatural. Just notes. @portraitofa-girl suggested “meeting online” and it’s been there literally for years oh lord im sorry. no fic yet, just notes.

Falling Anthem (working title) Modern AU Levihan, art student Hange and young professor Levi. just notes. fic one in a planned series. also has been years ;_;

Raindrops and Soft Steps. Jearmin. unsurprisingly, modern AU. One morning, when Jean looks out of his bedroom window, he sees a boy dancing across the street. In the street, to be exact. There wouldn't be anything unusual about that, Jean supposes, except it's raining cats and dogs outside.

In my IAMXfic folder (fff i almost skipped this):

2ndPOVCalberto (DO NOT CORRUPT WITH HET) ChrisxAlberto? not much to say?? yes i know they’re real people??? which applies to everything after this oh my god *crawls under desk* Of course she knows; she is annoyingly perceptive when it comes to romance. The only thing preventing you from asking her (like a fucking lovestruck teenager) if Alberto likes you back is emptying that beer bottle. By then the only thing on your mind is ordering another.

CalbertImmi. i can’t even keep my poly shit outta RPF ahaha omhg Imogen has a conversation with her lover's lover. (AlbertImmi, sequel to...) Imogen finds herself in an unenviable position. (emerging CalbertImmi)

Alternate summaries (CC POV, first fic?): Chris loves two people. He doesn't want to choose. Chris has fallen in love a few times in his life. But he's never fallen for two people at once. (Chris also isn't good at choosing.)

ChrisxJ. several self-insert fics bc CC is just that powerful, apparently. haven’t looked at the file in a long time,,,,,

He started calling people to the stage with him, and one by one, my row emptied.

"Come on, yeah, come on," he was saying, waving his hand in an inviting gesture and grinning like a little kid. "Hey, you want to?" I did a double take.

"Me?" I mouthed, pointing at myself just to be sure. He nodded, smiling wider.

So it was that I walked unsteadily down the ramp and waited in line, feeling like I didn’t belong there. Soon I was next in line. What would I say? What would I do? I was sure if I opened my mouth I’d either burst into tears or faint.

Genderswapped IAMX sci-fi. The sci-fi was inspired by a word prompt, genderswapping by my own brain. (play spot the Immi lmao) Across the aisle, Sam rolled his eyes. “Leave Chris alone; she’s nervous.”

“And put on your own seatbelt, Johann,” shouted Jess, two seats back and in Sam’s aisle.

Patrick turned to look at Chris. “Subspace travel is a bitch,” he said simply, and turned back to his book.

“Oh, I feel much less nervous now,” Chris said with a sardonic grin. “How do you know that, anyway?”

"I'm not exactly what I seem to be." He didn’t look up.

Chriimmi (While I Was Gone inspired). Chris/Imogen, inspired by scenes from Sue Miller’s While I Was Gone.

"You really ought not to do that, you know," he said softly.

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on me."

My eyes slid from his face. "I didn't mean to. It just... happened."

"Mm." I glanced back at him; he wore a lopsided smile. "Not that I minded." The tension was so strong the air nearly vibrated with it, yet I held my tongue, terrified that I was the only one feeling it. He took a breath, deep, nearly rising on his toes. "No. I didn't mind at all." He took my hand, circled his thumb over the back. My breath caught as I felt it, as I watched him looking down at our hands.

Chriimmi bathtub dream. dream inspired Chris/Immi smut.

Chriimmi twitter. twitfic plus some, inspired from an actual tweet iamx made that i’m still not over.

@ imogenheap Come sing your lovely lyrics with us in London. @ IAMX misses you. CCx

ChrisxImmi main. grab bag of Chriimmi I was too lazy to put into separate docs.

“What do you think?” She grinned, twirling.

He cleared his throat. “Ah, I-Imogen, what are you wearing?”

“Well, I didn’t want to clash with your theme… Janine helped me. Does it work?”

Scandalously short skirt, midriff-baring top, knee-high boots.

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? You’re trying to fucking kill me.”

Her grin only widened, even though a blush had started.

Fic edit chriimmi ver. yeah. editing someone else’s original fic to be chrimmi. either never posting or editing the frick out of. ~_~

He kissed her neck, whispered into it, “I love you.”

Imogen laughed. “Bollocks,” she said lazily.

”I do!” Chris protested. She looked down at him, nestled on her shoulder. He looked back, open, a little adoring. “I fell in love with you halfway through the show; I sang every note just for you.”

”Oh, please. You couldn’t have seen me.”

”No,” he said. “But I knew you were out there… I knew it had been you the minute I saw you backstage.”

Hospital Chriimmi. In which my guilty feeling over RPF are even worse bc of the inspiration ^_^U “Ms. Heap. What a pleasant surprise.” It’s surprising, how well she remembers his voice.

“Mr. Corner, what have you got yourself into?”

“Oh, just a bit of lingering insomnia. You know how it is.”

She takes a seat in the chair near his bed, crossing her legs. “Well, I’ve certainly had a sleepless night here and there, but I’ve never ended up in hospital from it. So no, I don’t suppose I do know.” Her tone is light, but her smile has begun to crack.

ImmixChris genderbend smut. the my secret friend video is... fertile material. have not actually written the smut yet.

...he saw us as characters– we put on those clothes and become separate from ourselves, removed. Whereas I simply felt like myself in men’s clothes, and instead of feeling what He felt for Her, I just kept right on feeling what I felt for Chris, amplified to a distracting level.

ReluctantdommeImmixSubCC. ...shrug emoji? notes and uh. visualizing.

Vampire Chriimmi. based on a dream. smutty. inspired by True Blood so wow that’s old.

From my Markipairings folder:

demon dream. markiplier self insert...... ughhhhhhhh o///o

"You can have me," I tell the creature. "But this one," I jerk my head toward Mark, "comes with me. He's mine, you see." A bold proclamation to make, but in the moment I know that the truth in those words surpasses everything I've ever said. He is mine, and saying the thought out loud fills me with courage. He squeezes my hand, two short and a long one so strong I think he might break it.

I know we’ll win.

DommeJujY. same as above, same as the next four. smutty.

Fight team AU. i forget where i got this one from. vaguely inspired by loveless i guess. The first clear thought I had was, He shouldn't have gone ahead of me. The second one was, I should have been able to protect him. But these came later, after the rage went away, after I hugged him and apologized, after I bandaged him…

Gaming meetcute. i win some contest or whatever to secretly tagteam w/ Mark. stuff happens and yeah......

The adrenaline surges through my veins as I take in the scene. Mark's avatar is flailing around, backed into a corner by some Eldritch Abomination and holy shit, the graphics in this game are amazing.

"This is not good, I can't move, I can't move…"

There's a voice in the back of my head screaming to shut the game down, to get that horrible thing off the screen. I ignore it.

Markinpanties. .......smut.

shifter-slight sci-fi AU. shrug emoji.

I looked up from the ground and saw I was heading straight for a brick wall. There was no time to slow down. I braced for impact...

It didn't happen. I opened my eyes and found myself in a café.

What.

Looking behind me, I saw a door. On impulse I walked over and opened it; the tree-lined street I could see through the glass was indeed there. No brick wall to smack my face into. Bewildered, I turned around and looked for a seat, choosing one near a window.

Gouldiplier~. master doc of ficbits of my cracky mccrackship, MarkiplierxEllie Goulding.

I check my phone during break time again. My selfie has been liked and retweeted thousands of times, and I shake my head in disbelief; I don't think that will ever stop surprising me, deep down. To make things even better, Mark's liked it! I'm in the middle of a happy jig when I realize there's a text from him and a squeak of joy slips from me.

hellooo gorgeous

looks like you're having fun. Hope the shoot's going great! <3

I quickly send a reply. it has been. Be glad when it's done tho. Missin u lots xo

Markipicbunnies. fanart of Mark for Gouldiplier insipration. photographer au.

"Ms. Goulding, I'm really not sure about this…"

"I produce pictures that are intimate because I'm an intimate being, Mark." Ellie looked at him directly, a hint of a smile shaping her lips. "Deep down, I think you are too. We just need to draw you out a bit."

showersexgouldiplier. WELP. IT’S SMUT.

Also I have folders for my 2010/11 nanowrimo novel that are kinda still WIPs but also kinda not

i’m gonna tag.... @kippielovesyou @kiridork and @mistergrass and anyone else who wants to do this can too :3

#JujYwrites #Mintyblather #i have too much stuuuffffff

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nomanicsdak · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2405

The Handsomest Man in all of Greece

I Know, I know, It’s Been 84 Years, etc…

Note: I wrote this one well before the holidays and am just now getting to posting, for the record!

What Are You Up To, Kleon?

We’re out to help Kleon today now that they Symposium is over! Let’s see what kind of job he has to offer. Probably not the drunken orgies that Perikles and Co. had for me, but, hey—you never know! Let’s go raid some Spartan camps! (As is Kleon’s wish, if you remember that far back.) That being finished, I go back to Kleon, with a note from a Spartan polemarch about further secret missions for Athens that Kleon is engaging in. Of course, this isn’t the end of his quest for me. I now have to rescue a messenger at a quarry. Come to find out that he is dead, but I do managed to rescue a sea captain who is also in on the plan. They are all being very hush hush about what is on his ship, and that makes me really suspicious. Better I don’t know? I beg to differ!

Well, not only was this guy captured, but so was his entire crew. I have to rescue them and then go defeat some Spartan ships, and maybe I have discovered the reason we parked in some random cove…because my ship is right there for me to swim to! Barnabus lets me know I have a message about a lead on some cultists, which I will check out later, and I make short work of the ship and head on back to see if maybe these dudes will tell me something!

Nope, nobody tells me anything. Maybe I have doomed all of Athens by helping these guys, or doomed somebody else. Who knows? Mayhaps it doesn’t actually matter since most of the time there is just an illusion of choice. Heh. I mean, I can go about raiding all of Athens and it doesn’t seem to affect much in the way of interactions.

In fact, let’s go on a side quest now that I’m done with Kleon. I know I said I was going to Korinth, but you know me. There was never a spot on the map that I ever want to pass up! So, I accidentally run through a restricted area and get chased by some guards all the way to my exclamation point destination. Let’s see who it is!

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Dudes being Bros

Ooo, boy. It is none other than Alkibiades and his bud Sokrates. They are still at it. Sokrates is talking and talking and Alkibiades is flirting and flirting. What kind of shenanigans are they up to? Well, Alkibiades wants me to help his friend become a citizen by sneaking into a place and signing his name to a thing. Alright, seems easy enough, yes? I think my abilities of sneaking have been way over estimated by the game. Quest completed though. I return to Alkibiades and he gets a new exclamation point above his head. Dude. What now???

Well, I have to find a witness, for this citizenship; a “handsome” dude named Peiroos. Neither I nor Ace here can be the witness, because he is a friend and I am not a citizen, but I should be careful not to get too distracted by Peiroos handsomeness. I think I can manage. What I don’t think I can manage is not giving this guy the nickname “Poos”. Hahaha. I am 12. Anyway, I just get some vague directions to find him; the quest isn’t going to lead me directly there this time. I guess I will just look out for the too handsome dude.

And OMG, I keep running into this restricted area. I am not meaning to do this, just there’s these big steps leading up to this temple and regular citizens are just running around there all willy-nilly. Why can’t I? Boo!

I Got This.

But I Was Expecting This

Well, it’s this guy. Lol. Okay, if you say so, Ace. I have a feeling that every person that walks into his eyeline is probably the most attractive person in Greece in that particular moment. Anyway, Peiroos doesn’t want to help. Sophanes, he’s the dude I’m helping with the citizenship and here I am still on this quest so I guess I’ll remember his name for a minute. Anyway, he’s a betrayer who turned on his own troops or something. According to Peiroos he doesn’t deserve citizenship. Great. Now what? Fine, I’ll bribe him…pay for his debt with this huge pile of drachmae I have that I never spend on anything. Surprisingly this bribe works without me having to do any more favors. Ok, I guess I will find out what damaged I’ve wrought later if any.

Reporting my success to Alkibiades, I give him some shit for not telling me all of the deets about Sophanes apparent treachery. At least I can grumble at somebody for it, if I can’t grumble at Kleon. He says he didn’t think I would care, but now he knows. Have I rebuffed Alcibiades too many times now? Who knows, but he believes in second chances. Me too. When he leaves Sokrates and I rap about whether good people can become bad or bad people can become good, and can we predict anything about it. Alexios seems relieved when Sokrates finally bows out of the discussion leaving it for a later date.

I guess the later date is now, because the next exclamation point is leading me to Sokrates who has apparently transported himself all the way across town instantaneously. So, Sokrates is in an argument with some playwright named Aristophanes (Fannies?) about Kleon and another dude name Hermippos. Apparently Hermippos (Hippos obvs.) thinks Kleon is the bees knees and isn’t afraid to shout it from the rooftops, and Aristophanes is done with it. Not sure what Sokrates can do about it, but I’m sure we will find out.

Stop Hippos!

Ok, the short of it is Sokrates is down with freedom of speech. Aristophanes thinks some people should shut-up already. Even Sokrates. Anyway, I’m going to be hired to find Hermippos so Aristophanes can give him the what for.

I get some more vague directions, but I’m pretty sure I already tried to break into his house earlier when I was completing locations. Yep, I did. He does have quite the suspicious amount of guards and huge villa for a playwright. I find a note from Kleon about his play and some huge amounts of money just laying about, and the cherry on top is this Cult of Kosmos mask. *Gasp* Something culty is afoot here after all! And here, I thought Aristophanes was full of shit. Let’s get him! There is another cultist in Athens and my map tells me I will find clues in the quarry, so I’m going to go back there and see what’s up.

My map lies! Ok, well, not quite. I’m supposed to do favors for nearby people and maybe I will stumble upon the clues somehow. Instead, I ignore that little notation and head directly to the quarry to complete the location with much effort and dying and it got me nothing except a check mark and some armor that is a lower level than the armor I already have on. I stayed up way past my bedtime for this? Yay?

I go in search of a maybe helpful quest and take on some bounties that I’m not sure I’ll finish. I get a mission to collect some seals from some Spartan polemarches in some forts and also realize I have a finished quest that hasn’t been completed because I didn’t go back and talk to the dude that gave it to me yet. I think I got distracted by the magical spear upgrady machine. Anyway, I head on back to the beach where I first landed to help my twice not!brother, brother. I cause troubles at some forts to collect my one part of the required goods.

After raiding several more forts I have now realized that they are Athenian, and that is the reason I’m not getting the special quest required polemarch seals. Uuuuuggghhh. Self. C’mon! I am going back to Athens, there’s lots of Spartans in that area.

In search of forts, I do find another human sacrificing faction in a cave. Nothing to do with the Kosmos cult, these guys are Pan fans, they’ve got the sacrificial altar and a pit of blood. I fail at sneaking and basically have to pick them off with my arrows whilst trying running backwards around and around in a circle through the cave tunnels. This tactic somehow manages to work without me being desynchronized once. Phew.

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Old Friend, New Trouble

I do a few more quests and meet up with a former fellow mercenary, Heitor, who is now one of those dudes that runs a weapon store. I still have not managed to procure another polemarch seal, but that is for another day apparently. Anyway, this guy wants me to get his very special sword back for him from this huge, well guarded Athenian fort. Cool. I do that, but in doing so learn that he actually probably sold the sword to the Captain there. He, of course, admits nothing, but whatever. Team Merc.

NOW, he wants me to save his friend who has been captured, which I agree to, but who knows. He probably sold this guy too. Harumph. On the way I run into some lady who gives me a sob story about her play being banned for being just toooo dramatic, you guys. It brought all the soldiers to tears and they stole it so no warrior would ever be overcome with such emotion again, she is just so talented. She doesn’t want me to rescue her play from the sad soldiers, but she does want money, which I give her. I’ll take the easy XPs, whatever. I’m fairly certain this was a con. *shrug*

Anyway, I go through all the trouble of rescuing this guy in less than stealthy fashion and get him down to a boat where Heitor is waiting…to kill him. Uuuuuugh. Why? Because this guy was shackin’ it up with his wife and she ended up dying when she got in between their fighting. A love triangle gone awry.

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Let’s All Just Enjoy the Sunset and Forgive Each Other, Eh?

Guys. Stop. Think it through, my mans. I tell them nothing is going to bring her back and somehow convince them to part ways without bloodshed for once. Yay! Now let’s clear some more locations before we move on. I mean, I haven’t quite forgotten that I’m looking for my mom this time, so I clearly have more busy work to do!

Oh yeah, the Seals guy. I think I finally gave him the seals and now he wants me to find more seals. To be honest, I’ve kind of lost the plot with this guy, but I’ll keep him on mind as I’m going on this next quest to the Silver Islands. I don’t remember where I picked this one up, but I’ve been hired to aid a failing rebellion on Myknonos! Let us be off! I have my crew drop me off away from civilization because I saw a dot in the distance sitting on a beach and I wanted to check it out.

Levitating Bears; Up to No Good!

It is a bear! I don’t really want to kill this bear, because on one hand he is pretty, but on the other hand the beach is littered with dead guys. Clearly, this bear is a trouble maker like me. Once that is done, I explore his cave which doesn’t really yield any good treasure. I do come to the realization as I crest a nearby hill that I am not in fact on Mykanos at all. Ah well, Let’s explore this island while I’m here I guess. I am on the sacred Lands of Artemis on Delos island…part of the Silver islands it turns out. It is a beautiful place with purple flowers all over. This one speaks to me. Maybe I can retire here, but probably not I’m sure someone with a spear is going to chase me away soon enough. (This last sentence in retrospect…oh boy. In my headcannon, My only mercenary retirement plan this Alexios has is this, and the only kids he will be having are the baby voyeur goats that I will be raising with Alkibiades, history be damned! Cute country doctor and Sokrates can come too.)

I move on to the next section called the Birthplace of Apollo where I find more people, a terrace of Lions and a Sacred Lake. Obviously, I must defile the sacred lake, because surely this place must have treasure at the bottom even though it isn’t a marked location. I am right for once when I find a bunch of loot and a sword down there. Haha!

Greetings from Kira

Bless! I am finally on Mykanos where I find out some guy is basically being a dick all over the place. We’ll call him Murdery von Taxation since I forgot his name. I really forget the specifics because all this happened last week So, so, very long ago, and I didn’t write anything down. Does he have a name? Is he a cultist? Perhaps. Perhaps I am just here to help Kira on her quest to bring him down. Anyhow, she has me running around meeting her places and investigating stuff, but I run into a beggar lady first who, as it turns out has some secrets to unload on me.

You see, she was once Kira’s nurse, or something, and Kira’s mother was Murdery’s mistress. When he found out she had a kid, he came around to kill her, and succeeded. The nurse absconded with Kira and didn’t even tell her any of this. So, now I have to tell her that the man she’s vowed to take down is her very own father. I know the feel, girl. My dad threw me off a cliff! I think that’s where I left it.

Okay, so, I have absolutely no idea what happened because I played a little and then went on a long vacation to the heart of it all (Ohio) and yeah. I’m pretty sure I told Kira the secret and tried to console her and then we took down her dad, there’s no guarantee that that is going to do anything to help the situation. Someone higher up the chain might just come and be just as terrible to the townsfolk, but I’m just going to assume my job is done and get on with the questing. (Unless I haven’t, in fact, finished this quest, in which case…I’ll do that!)

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#assassin's creed #odyssey #Assassin's Creed #Games #Miscellaneous #Odyssey

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4colorrebellion · 8 years ago

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Review-In-Progress: Yakuza 0

The Yakuza series is always one that has fascinated me, but for some reason, I had never actually sat down and played any of the games. This distinctly Japanese take on Grand Theft Auto has always hovered on the periphery of my awareness as something that I was pretty sure I would enjoy, but until recently, it was just one of those series where each new entry arrived at a bad time.

When SEGA reached out and offered up a copy of their newest entry, Yakuza 0, I was thrilled to finally give the series a fair try. Read on for my impressions of the first three chapters.

I should preface the following with one disclaimer - I have not finished the game. This is a long game. I could easily see sinking 70 or 80 hours into it. Since I have a full time job, I haven’t had time to finish this off in the two weeks that I’ve been playing it. Right now, I am fifteen hours into the game, and in the third chapter (out of 10). With the game coming out in a few days, I thought that I should share my impressions for those of you thinking about picking it up.

The newest game, Yakuza 0, is a prequel to the five mainline entries in the series. Set in the late 1980s, the story follows two characters - Kiryu Kazama and Majima Goro - who have, for various reasons, found themselves drawn into a power struggle over a vacant lot in Tokyo. The story swaps back and forth between Kiryu - who has been framed for murder and ousted from the Yakuza - and Majima - who has been exiled to Osaka for his role in an earlier assassination.

The story of Yakuza 0 is not exactly going to win any literature awards, but like a great action movie, it really sucks you in. Every bit of the writing in Yakuza, from the central plot to the dialogue, is played completely straight. Yet, at the same time, there is this surreal insanity to it. The story is over-the-top - hell, every interaction is kind of over-the-top - and you just have to smile at the madcap machismo of it all.

Whether it is Kiryu - on his knees in the rain, imploring his adoptive father to induct him into the Yakuza - or Majima - dodging punches from a drunken cabaret patron while playing the role of the doting, obedient waiter - I love every melodramatic exploit that these characters get into. They’re these ridiculous tough guys, and I really want them to succeed. I want to be them. Hell, I’d settle for being half as cool as them.

Where the writing really shines is in the side stories. Yakuza 0 has two different cities that you can explore - the Kamurocho neighborhood of Tokyo and the Sotenbori neighborhood of Osaka. As you wander around these two cities, you end up stumbling into the lives of the locals. Sometimes, this is indirect - you overhear a rumor about an event going on in another part of town, and can wander over to check it out. Sometimes this is quite direct - somebody sees you as their knight in shining armor. These quick optional quests offer welcome breaks from the central storyline, and do a great job of drawing you into the world of the game.

To give an example, as I walked by a restaurant, a TV crew begged me to stand in for their missing producer. The producer had quit after getting tired of the endless demands from the hard-assed director. As Kiryu, I had to pretend to know my stuff long enough for filming to complete. In the end, the show went off without a hitch - until the previous producer and his buddies showed up to beat the tar out of the director. Fortunately for him, they picked a fight with the wrong mobster. In the end, the sobbing director confessed that he just wanted the entire crew to understand his passion

Insane, right? Also, completely awesome. The side stories even build on each other over time. My friendship with the director ended up leading to a job protecting the “Prince of Pop” from.. Well, you’ve probably seen the video.

The characters you meet in these stories, and the interactions you have with them, really make these cities come to life. You can even befriend a number of characters, and learn their stories as you stop and interact with them.

Speaking of characters. If this scene does not convince you to play this game, nothing will.

The art direction also does a great job of bringing these cities to life. Although Yakuza 0 is not going to blow anybody away on a technical level - it was released in Japan on both the PS3 and PS4 - the sheer attention to detail that has gone into every nook and cranny leaves a great impression. The streets of Kamurocho are dense with detail - loaded with endless neon signs, pay phones, and storefronts. Just like any Japanese city, the streets of Kamurocho and Sotenbori are densely packed with people, businesses, and twisty back alleys to get lost in. You are almost hit with sensory overload, and it is all a great feast for the eyes.

To really see what I mean, just enter one of the many convenience stores dotting Kamurocho. I have never seen instant noodles rendered so lovingly in my life, and I cannot think of another game where I can enter a store and see such a variety of items at once, at such a level of fidelity. It’s fun to enter buildings just for the “virtual Japan” experience.

That attention to detail extends to the open-world gameplay. The sheer number of things you can do in the game is staggering. You can go to bars and play darts or pool, you can go bowling, you can hang out in Mahjong parlors. There are two entirely different rhythm games - representing karaoke and disco dancing. You can go to SEGA-branded arcades and play actual arcade games, such as Outrun, or collect stuffed animals from the crane machine. The list of minigames goes on and on, and you could easily put hours into them.

There are even alternate modes on many of the games. For example, you can either play a standard game of billiards, or you can play “Puzzle Pool”, where you are presented with particular arrangements of balls and tasked with sinking the target in one shot.

Many of these minigames are quite good. I’ve enjoyed bowling, pool, and darts the most so far. Actually, darts is another case where the attention to detail is fascinating. You go to a bar to play, and other patrons will come and challenge you to a match. If you win, they usually want a rematch - with a round of drinks in between. Yakuza 0 actually models drunkenness in the darts minigame! The more you drink, the more your vision blurs and your aim is affected. Again, I just can’t stop marveling at the endless little details that the developers have packed into this game.

If those weren’t enough, you can also build up business and real estate empires on the side. I haven’t delved into business management just yet, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be just as addictive as the other minigames.

Of course, the minigames aren’t the main focus of your adventure - those are the battles. At its heart, Yakuza 0 is a kung-fu crime flick, and you’ll spend a lot of time beating the hell out of an endless procession of goons, punks, and other ne’er-do-wells. At story-mandated points, or as you wander the cities, you’ll be ambushed by a bunch of guys and have to defeat them to move on - almost like a JRPG, but with more punching and fewer menus. The basic fighting system is relatively simple. You have a light attack, a heavy attack, and a grapple. You can also block moves. From these basic building blocks, you string together combos. You can also use objects in your environment as make-shift weapons, or equip more deadly weapons that you buy from merchants. All weapons have limited durability, so you have to manage their use carefully.

As you chain together attacks, your heat gauge builds up. Once it reaches a high enough level, you can unleash brutal attacks. When I say brutal, I mean it. You smash faces into walls, stomp on heads, and break limbs with abandon. None of this is shockingly brutal - it all fits into the over-the-top aesthetic - but it can still make you cringe.

Each character has three distinct fighting styles. Kiryu’s default is the “brawler” style - a balance between speed and brutality. He also has a “rush” style, based on boxing, that favors mobility and dodges. Finally, his “beast” style is slow, but devastatingly powerful. Majima’s default is the “thug” style, which acts as a balance between his “slugger” style - a weapon-heavy stance - and his “breaker” style - a speed-based style that makes use of dance moves.

You can switch between styles freely, and all of these styles have their place. If you are surrounded by enemies with weapons, the faster styles will allow you to avoid being hit. The heavier styles are needed to bring down the big guys. So far, I spend most of my time in the default balanced styles, but break into the others in special situations. The brawler style, in particular, just feels satisfying to use.

Defeating enemies and playing minigames both earn you cash. This can, of course, be spent on items such as food or clothing. More importantly, cash can be spent on your moves. Each fighting style has a number of upgrades that you can purchase, arranged in a series of rings. The cost to upgrade increases dramatically between rings. For instance, abilities in the first ring cost 400,000 yen to purchase. Abilities in the second ring cost 2,000,000. Abilities in the third cost 30,000,000. The prices just keep increasing from there. If you want to master each fighting style, you are going to need a whole lot of dough.

After fifteen hours, I am hooked. I feel like I have only scratched the surface of what Yakuza 0 has to offer, but I can’t wait to get back in there and keep digging. If, like me, you’re curious about the series, Yakuza 0 feels like the perfect point to jump in. As a prequel, you do not need to know a thing about the characters or storyline to appreciate what the developers have crafted. Going in, I suspected that I would like these games - I just didn’t know that I would like Yakuza this much.

Yakuza 0 launches in North America on January 24th, for the PS4.

#yakuza #yakuza 0 #ps4 #sega #greg4cr

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thedragonsteaparty · 7 years ago

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After my fleeting romance with a sickly rock dove named Ryouta, who I met through Hatoful Boyfriend (ending at his sickly demise), I decided to try my luck with a different species, a human. Can you imagine such a thing? The scandal has made things difficult to say the least. I, Papa Squatts, moved into a cul-de-sac with my awesome daughter Amanda where I met lots of other single dads that also live there, very convenient and very exciting. I quickly narrowed down my favourites: Robert (the bad dad), Joseph (the good dad) and Craig (the fit dad – fit as in ooh lala you so handsome and gym 24 hours a day fit. Even my mum said she fancied this one – until she saw the baby strapped to his chest – so you know he’s good).

I went on a couple of dates with all of them, sparking lovely little moments like this one:

Just to clarify we were looking for a toy capybara, not a real one

And this one…

It’s OK, we just did some whittling, I made a toothpick

And this…

Him to the DJ, not to me. It’s true though, Radiohead are amazing but very depressing

Joseph ended up winning me over, mainly because of his wife to be honest, she’s a dick and while I was on my date with Robert she tags along and flirts with everything male in the bar so I felt like Joseph needed to be saved from this 2-dimensional Jezebel.

Yep… Totally my intention

That’s how our relationship may have started (well that and making brownies, that was fun although I did kinda want real brownies afterwards…) but on our second date I was overcome with how sweet he was. We did some dad dancing to spice up the empty dance floor at the youth club dance, finishing off with the move from Dirty Dancing, and then he showed me a surprise Margaritaville he’d set up in the church office just for me where we sat in deck chairs, sipped margaritas and chatted about things. It was so lovely. Here’s a little photo album of our best moments… JOSEPH STORY LINE SPOILERS

No one was on the dance floor, our dad eyes connected… We needed to get this party started

I got Amanda to safety

Which dance move to impress with first? (I chose the Lawnmower)

Hell yeah

OMG this is adorable, we talked about this before and he remembered, this man is so sweet…

Date 3… Hell yeah

Indeed

Me deciding what to yell at the ocean, I chose option 2

HELL YES!!!! WOOOOOOOO

After this, my dear readers, we made tender (though censored) love down in the cabin of his yacht (you don’t see anything, it’s all dark screen, very PG). I thought everything was going brilliantly, he’d broken up with Mary… Everything was awesome… Until it wasn’t.

Maybe you noticed how some of those pictures had tear stains and ice cream smudges all over them, hold on to your hats because here comes the emotional epilogue…

Wait, what?

No!

NOOOO!!!!

You arsehole, you’re worse than your bitchy wife, I can’t believe this, I gave you everything! I didn’t go on my third date with Robert for you!!! You absolute twat!

I couldn’t believe it, what had I done wrong? Could it be that our last date only getting ranked as a ‘B’ meant that things didn’t work out? I was so heartbroken and upset, I can’t believe Joseph would do that to me after all we’d been through. I sat and ate some ice cream alone for a while then Amanda came up and made me feel better. Instead of ending up with a boyfriend I got the World’s Best Dad Achievement.

Her face doesn’t look sincere but she totally was, she’s just embarassed

Amanda is so great, and I’m not just saying that because she made me feel better at the end of the game (Aha! Yes, t’was a game this whole time!) She radiates cool and your relationship is something akin to Rory and Lorelei in Gilmore Girls (if Lorelei was a man) so there’s loads of playful banter between you but also parental responsibilities that, as a single father, you try to handle as best as you can.

In case you hadn’t guessed after that emotional rollercoaster, this is my of course Dream Daddy, a dad dating simulator game but don’t let that kinda creepy description put you off, this game is amazing. I haven’t laughed so much while playing a game (well I’ve laughed at games but not with them, this one is a laugh with game) since I played Portal. It is so well written and genuinely funny. Long term Tea Party readers might be thinking I’m a little biased because I’m a big Game Grumps fan (they created it) but honestly it’s nothing to do with that, it’s just a really good game. The premise is that you move into a dad-populated cul-de-sac with your daughter Amanda, You then meet all the dads that live conveniently close to you in the cul-de-sac and make friends, they add you on Dadbook (a cross between Tinder and Facebook I guess) and through that you can choose who to go on a date with. It sounds kind of weird and lame but trust me, it’s great.

So aside from my wonderful whirlwind romance with Joseph what else is great about this game? Well, considering everything is described to you in text and you don’t really see any animation other than characters’ facial features and stances changing, or the shower of hearts and aubergine emojis that appear when you do something that another dad likes (seriously), it’s surprisingly easy to picture what is happening and get immersed in the story. I can almost imagine this game coming out as a book. The jokes are great and all the characters are likeable, except some of the kids, I even actually kind of like Mary, Joseph’s bitchy wife (ashamed as I am to admit this I literally just got the ‘Mary and Joseph’ thing as I was typing this. Eurgh. And their kids’ names are all variations of Chris… As in Christ… Euuurrrghhh.) She has a dark sense of humour which I kind of like and I think she’d be fun on a night out.

Your daughter Amanda is a brilliant character too. Her personality really comes through and the voice actress for her deserves a medal or something because a lot of that is thanks to her – she manages to bring Amanda to life with minimal voice acting, but it adds so much. I want to be friends with Amanda, she’s awesome. We had some great times through the bad and the good, including some surprisingly sweet, sincere advice from your own character to your daughter having a tough time.

This resonated a lot with me because my mum told me almost exactly the same thing once when I was having a teenage friend drama. Kind of feel bad for giving Papa that face now to deliver those nice lines.

Seriously, your relationship with your daughter is incredible

So to cap off this amazing game, Joseph had to get one last jab in didn’t he… Arse. If he thinks I’m going to pursue him in my next playthrough then he is 100% wrong, that ship has sailed Joseph (or yacht, like the yacht we hung out on that one time… Where you said you *sniff* liked me… And we… *sobs uncontrollably*). Maybe Robert will have me back in my next game…

Seriously. fuck this guy

Dragons’ Tea Party’s Quest to Find Virtual Love Continues After my fleeting romance with a sickly rock dove named Ryouta, who I met through Hatoful Boyfriend…

#Amanda #Craig #Dating Simulator #Dream Daddy #Funny #Game Grumps #Gaming #Hatoful Boyfriend #Joseph #Robert #Video Games

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